Christianity’s Free Fall Hit a Bouncy Castle: Why America’s Religious Decline Just Hit the Snooze Button

Well Damn, Christianity Didn’t Die (Yet)

For all our snark, secular sass, and tireless podcasting efforts (ahem listen to Sacrilegious Discourse already), it seems America has decided to hit “pause” on the great religious break-up. A new Pew Research study shows the Christian population isn’t free-falling anymore. It’s... chilling. On a plateau. Like a televangelist after a sermon—bloated, sweaty, and not going anywhere soon.

This isn’t a revival, folks. It’s a stall. And while that might seem like a speed bump on the road to a godless utopia, there’s a lot more going on under the hood.

The Cliff Dive That Wasn’t

Let’s rewind. For the last two decades, Christianity’s been shedding members faster than Joel Osteen sheds responsibility. Mainline Protestants dropped off. Catholics lost people not named Brett Kavanaugh. Evangelicals? Still yelling, still shrinking. But now?

Pew’s big revelation: Between 2021 and 2024, the percentage of adults identifying as Christian held steady at around 63%.

From the Pew Research Center: Decline of Christianity in the U.S. Has Slowed, May Have Leveled Off

Sixty. Three. Freaking. Percent. That’s still a majority. Still way too many folks believing a first-century zombie carpenter controls their sex life.

But the bigger story? The “nones”—those glorious, godless, spiritual-not-religious rebels—are growing, just not as fast as we hoped. Apparently, TikTok witchcraft and vague vibes can only do so much.

We Blame You (Yes, You)

Let’s be honest. If you were listening to our podcast like you were supposed to, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

We’ve been roasting Bible absurdities harder than a Southern Baptist potluck. We’ve exposed genocidal tantrums, divine consent issues, and Gods’ suspicious relationship with feet. Yet somehow... people still think Leviticus has life advice?

It’s baffling. We did a whole episode on Zechariah and the psycho horses of biblical doom. What more do you want?!

The Cultural Timeout Button

So why the sudden stall? A few possibilities:

• Pandemic pause: When your grandma dies alone in a hospital and your church says “thoughts and prayers,” it’s hard to stay hyped for Jesus.

• Culture war fatigue: Christian nationalism, book bans, and purity balls don’t exactly scream “join us!” to Gen Z.

• Faith by inertia: People aren’t converting—they’re just not bothering to leave. Church is now just tradition with donuts.

And let’s not forget, this plateau might be hiding an even darker reality: the religious right is doubling down. Sure, they’re not gaining members—but they’re gaining power. School vouchers, abortion bans, and court-packing Jesus bros aren’t exactly slowing down.

Pews ≠ Power (But Also Kinda Still Power)

Here’s the kicker: Christian numbers may be stagnating, but their influence sure as hell isn’t.

Theocrats are using that 63% as a mandate to shove prayer into classrooms, Ten Commandments into legislation, and “Jesus saves” into your uterus. You know what doesn’t save? Silence.

This is why FFRF keeps suing everyone, and why you need to scream “separation of church and state” louder than a preacher at an exorcism.

What We Can Do (Besides Screaming Into the Void)

• Support secular orgs: Like FFRF, AU, and yes, we could use help spreading the word too.

• Call out theocrats: Especially the ones hiding behind "religious freedom" while banning books and human rights.

• Talk about it: Yeah, your uncle might grumble during Thanksgiving, but pass the mashed potatoes and the secular resistance.

• Make it funny: People tune out lectures. They tune in for satire, sass, and podcasts like ours that call the Bible “God’s worst PR campaign.”

Final Thoughts (Or Sermon on the Snark)

America isn’t re-Christianizing—it’s taking a breather. And while we wish the decline would resume faster than a Baptist after a buffet, we’re not giving up.

Because the Bible’s still bananas. The pastors are still grifting. And too many people still think “faith” should be a political platform.

So yeah—this isn’t a setback. It’s a plot twist. The kind that says:

“Just when you thought the exodus was over... Moses dropped his Wi-Fi.”

Listen to the podcast. Share the blog. Buy the heretical merch. Join the fight for sanity—one eye-roll at a time.