The Post-Flood Handmedown Bible Fables

So, let’s talk about the flood. Just kidding. I hate talking about the flood myth, if for no other reason than it’s been utterly destroyed by facts and science. Didn’t happen, couldn’t happen, it’s complete nonsense. Even the recent construction of the abominable replica that was was thought up and built to try to lend a young earth creationist flood myth credibility only served to decrease its credibility. Good job, Ken. Suffice it to say… it’s a waste of time to rehash all the hash marks in the story.

I hate talking about the flood myth, if for no other reason than it’s been utterly destroyed by facts and science.

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Ken Ham and his "Ark Experience (pictures above). Learn more about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ark_Encounter

Leading up to the flood, however, there was a small list of begats. The descendants of Adam had lost their way. This is another example of that division, the elitist separation of “righteous” from “wicked”. These were all descendants of Adam, mind you… plus some angels breeding with the local girls to create giants, I guess.

So God wanted a clean slate, but decided to use the same genetic pool he felt he needed to wipe out to start again. I’m really certain that this character would have been edited from a modern story, but shows exactly the primitive mindset that originally created it. God doesn’t really ever seem to know what’s going on or what will happen. This division that keeps showing up is a theme that keeps repeating throughout the book. Fall of man… Salvation.

God doesn’t really ever seem to know what’s going on or what will happen.

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We get treated to another list of begats, and once again, it’s not incredibly long. Enough to create entire nations, including Babel, Assyria and Canaan though. Apparently, that shit made God nervous and so he had to make them speak a bunch of different languages so they couldn’t challenge his power by building towers and stuff. This is that division thing yet again, and none of it coincides with actual archaeological findings in the region. Shocking.

Now we arrive at Abram. God apparently didn’t like his name, among other things anatomically, so he changed his name to Abraham. I guess that sounded better?

Once again, Abraham is given a covenant because he’s righteous and not wicked. We don’t only arrive at Abraham though, because in that itty bitty list of begats, somehow now there are also Egyptians and Sumerians. Regardless, Abraham is told to leave his home, and he is promised that God would give him some place new. It’s interesting to note that when Abraham gathered an army to go rescue Lot, this story is represented in Sumerian cuneiform nearly five centuries before it became a Hebrew story.

It’s interesting to note that when Abraham gathered an army to go rescue Lot, this story is represented in Sumerian cuneiform nearly five centuries before it became a Hebrew story.

The story of the rescue of Lot from Sodom is a Sumerian story. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah came much later. God frowned upon all the “wicked” fornication and gay sex happening there. I mean, apparently it was a pretty savage place. They didn’t even mind ass-raping some angels. So God wanted to get his destruction and murder fix by just taking care of that place. Now here’s the only truly interesting part about it, and one of Abraham’s finest moments… God was afraid to let Abraham know what he was up to. Not only that, but he lost a haggle with Abraham when Abraham found out what was about to go down. Hilarious.

The rest of Genesis is just passing of the covenant from Isaac to Jacob and finally to Joseph. This is the establishment of the Jewish covenant with God and their line of succession.

Except the timelines are impossible for the establishment of all the nations that existed at this point. We are asked to believe that the Egyptians, Sumerians, Assyrians, Babylonians, and all the other people everywhere came from Noah, and in just a handful of generations. I don’t know about you, but I find it all a bit hard to swallow. If it’s allegory, how is it conveying anything good about God? If it’s just mythology (shhh… it is definitely mythology), then why treat it with any sort of care?

We do have a decent preface for all the smiting and murder that will unfold later in the book, along with more division of good and evil. The general lack of benevolence of, or compassion from, God. God’s impotence and lack of omniscience.

Genesis reads like what it is: a plagiarized and edited re-edit of ancient mythological stories. Some names and locations are real, maybe, but the majority of it is complete and utter garbage.

The general lack of benevolence and compassion of god. God’s impotence and lack of omniscience. Genesis reads like what it is: a plagiarized and edited re-edit of ancient mythological stories.

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Dylan is a sometimes gold prospecting writer, sometimes tiny house builder, hailing from the high country of Colorado. He’s been many places and looked high and low and has never discovered a single thing that would give credence to the Biblical God or any others.

Genesis

“Where did Mrs. Cain come from?” Or “Where the fuck was Nod?” And “Who the hell was Cain afraid would kill him?”

“In the beginning…”

You know the story. Genesis.

A primeval account of creation, not just of Earth, but of the entire universe. Firmament. Day and night. The animals. Man and woman, then, in the following chapter, man again, followed by rib woman.

It’s fun to note that Ethiopia and Assyria and the Euphrates are clearly named even though the entire universe has just been created. All of this was documented… but by whom?

Ethiopia and Assyria and the Euphrates were clearly named even though the entire universe has just been created. All of this was also documented… but by whom?

Everybody knows about the misogynist inclusion of making Eve the excuse for the Fall of Man. Everybody knows the story about God not knowing about Adam and Eve eating the apple, and God not knowing about Cain killing his brother. Seriously discounts omnipotence and omniscience. Common questions include: “Where did Mrs. Cain come from?” Or “Where the fuck was Nod?” And “Who the hell was Cain afraid would kill him?”

We’re not really going to discuss the flood and the ridiculous nature of it, let alone that there are disparaging accounts surrounding it… Was it 40 days, 150, or a year? We don’t need to talk about the fallen angels breeding with the earth girls to create giants behind Mr. Omniscient’s back. No. We don’t need to point any of this out. These are things everyone already knows. The rest of Genesis is just lineage, so we’ll not really focus on that either. Let’s try to figure out why it’s completely fucked up.

One thing to note is that Genesis is dived into the Primeval (first 11 chapters) and the Ancestral (the rest). The Primeval section is incredibly important to Christianity for the concept of Original Sin, thereby linking the need for the Jesus/scapegoat figure. The Ancestral section establishes the Jewish claim to Israel and their covenants with God.

Genesis was allegedly written by Moses, but there are some problems with that. Firstly, dating puts the stories at around 800 to 900 BCE. That is a few hundred years late for this to be possible, according to Biblical scholars. Also, Moses was many generations away from Creation. In the last book of the Torah, he even writes about his own death (spoiler alert). The most damning thing, however, are the contradictions mentioned earlier herein.

Genesis was allegedly written by Moses, but there are some problems with that…

The accepted theory is that the stories are a collected anthology of the early Jewish cults (sects, if you prefer). These are the Jehovists, Elohimists, Priestly Accounts, and Deuteronomists. A scholarly bible has the designations J, E, P, and D beside each passage of the Torah. This actually started with King Hezekiah, the 13th King of Judah. He wanted unification of the Jewish ideology, which was not unified at all. So, to be inclusive, he combined multiple ideas from multiple sources and started the contradictory, less than rational, and contorted story that we know as Genesis.

Thanks for reading!


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Dylan McGehee
Dylan McGehee

Dylan is a sometimes gold prospecting writer, sometimes tiny house builder, hailing from the high country of Colorado. He’s been many places and looked high and low and has never discovered a single thing that would give credence to the Biblical God or any others.

Genesis Chapters 1 – 3 Bible Study for Atheists

Husband and Wife cover Genesis chapter 1: The Creation; chapter 2: Man in the Garden of Eden; and chapter 3: Man’s Disobedience. Things that are right out: Alaska, Evolution, and Womans. Early inventions include shame, guilt, murdering an entire species, sewing, unicorns, and passing the buck. We question the need for gold in a 2-person garden.

Husband and Wife cover Genesis chapter 1: The Creation; chapter 2: Man in the Garden of Eden; and chapter 3: Man’s Disobedience. Things that are right out: Alaska, Evolution, and Womans. Early inventions include shame, guilt, murdering an entire species, sewing, unicorns, and passing the buck. We question the need for gold in a 2-person garden.

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Join Husband and Wife as they begin their journey into the #Bible! Start with their first episode, Genesis Chapters 1 – 3

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