Amos Chapter 7: Bible Study by Atheists

[00:00:00] Welcome to Sacrilegious Discourse.

[00:00:01] For this is what the Sovereign Lord says!

[00:00:03] Why do you need prophets to tell people who you are and what you want?

[00:00:07] If you can justify everything that the God of the Bible has done, then you can justify any of your behavior.

[00:00:14] A lot of this mentality is trickling into what is now mainstream right-wing Christianity.

[00:00:21] I am capable of empathy greater than this God of the Bible.

[00:00:26] This is a Bible that they tell kids.

[00:00:29] This is the good Lord. This is the good book.

[00:00:32] He is fantasizing about murder. Mass murder.

[00:00:37] Head over to SacrilegiousDiscourse.com right now to find out how to leave us a review or support us on Patreon.

[00:00:48] Wife!

[00:00:49] Do you know where we are today?

[00:00:52] Well, we just got done reading Amos Chapter 6.

[00:00:56] Yes, we did. That is correct. We did.

[00:00:58] And in that chapter, God was mad at the complacent.

[00:01:04] The people who were just...

[00:01:07] The layabouts.

[00:01:08] Yeah, they weren't doing all the...

[00:01:10] They wanted the wine and the drinks and the things and the ivory walls and the whatevers.

[00:01:16] Them thick babes that be laying on the couch eating bonbons.

[00:01:19] Sounds pretty nice to me, actually.

[00:01:21] Right?

[00:01:21] With the harps.

[00:01:23] You're there in that area with the figs and the olives and the laying about and the ivory and the...

[00:01:31] I mean, not that ivory is good.

[00:01:33] Ivory is bad.

[00:01:34] I don't want any ivory because I don't want the elephants to die and I think that's horrible.

[00:01:37] But, you know, back then, they didn't know.

[00:01:41] And they've...

[00:01:43] Oh, my God.

[00:01:45] I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

[00:01:46] You know?

[00:01:47] Anyway, so there was more God's gonna kill people for being, you know, not the way he wants them to be.

[00:01:52] Right.

[00:01:52] And they're bad and horrible and pretty much the expected way things go with God.

[00:01:59] Would you say that God hates them?

[00:02:02] Hmm.

[00:02:04] That's a good question.

[00:02:06] I mean, he's bringing all kinds of calamity on them.

[00:02:09] He does.

[00:02:09] He does.

[00:02:09] But I feel like...

[00:02:11] Okay.

[00:02:13] I feel like it's the parent who is the one who says they love their kids and they're doing this because they love their kids.

[00:02:23] But it turns out it's horrible for their kids because they're...

[00:02:28] Abusive?

[00:02:29] Abusive.

[00:02:29] And they don't know it?

[00:02:31] Which most people would interpret as hate or, you know, something along those lines.

[00:02:36] But...

[00:02:36] It's misguided love.

[00:02:38] Yeah.

[00:02:39] Honestly...

[00:02:39] He just needs therapy.

[00:02:40] I was gonna say, yeah.

[00:02:42] In the 2024.

[00:02:43] We've talked about it before.

[00:02:44] I think God needs therapy.

[00:02:45] Really?

[00:02:46] He and his people need family therapy.

[00:02:49] Yeah.

[00:02:50] For sure.

[00:02:51] Because his people need to pick a God and get there.

[00:02:54] Right.

[00:02:54] And they need a reason to trust that he's the one they should pick.

[00:02:58] Right now, I think that...

[00:03:00] Yeah, definitely even today, God and God's people could use some therapy.

[00:03:06] And how?

[00:03:07] Hmm.

[00:03:08] I said I know that's right.

[00:03:10] So anyway, anyway, God's gonna kill some people because they're complacent because he doesn't

[00:03:13] like things they're doing and whatever normal shit in the Bible.

[00:03:16] He's gonna get them!

[00:03:17] That was Amos chapter six, which means that today we're getting into...

[00:03:21] Amos chapter seven.

[00:03:22] All right, let's do this.

[00:03:24] Whoop, whoop.

[00:03:24] Whoop whoop.

[00:03:30] All right, let's read Amos chapter seven.

[00:03:34] All right.

[00:03:36] This is what the Sovereign Lord showed me.

[00:03:39] Showed you?

[00:03:39] He showed it to me.

[00:03:40] He didn't say it.

[00:03:41] He showed...

[00:03:41] This is show and tell.

[00:03:43] He showed me something.

[00:03:44] This is God displaying his wares.

[00:03:47] What do you think he showed me?

[00:03:48] I don't wanna know.

[00:03:49] He was preparing swarms of locusts.

[00:03:53] Always with the fucking locusts.

[00:03:55] After the king's share had been harvested, and just as the late crops were coming up.

[00:04:01] When they had stripped the land clean, I cried out,

[00:04:05] Sovereign Lord, forgive!

[00:04:07] How can Jacob survive?

[00:04:08] He is so small!

[00:04:11] Yeah.

[00:04:12] I mean, that's a good question, I guess.

[00:04:14] You're destroying all their crops.

[00:04:15] Except for the king's share, apparently.

[00:04:16] Yeah, the king guy is.

[00:04:18] And there was nothing left.

[00:04:19] That seems really unfair, right?

[00:04:20] I mean, he punishes everybody except the king?

[00:04:24] From what I understand, tariffs will set us all free.

[00:04:27] And tariffs are merely taxes.

[00:04:30] And taxes are beautiful things that somebody pays them, but it's not the rich.

[00:04:39] Yeah, it gets translated down to the cost of goods.

[00:04:42] Because tariffs, they tax other countries for importing goods.

[00:04:46] So therefore, when those goods come in...

[00:04:47] The only thing I can hear is that I am rich, and I don't have to pay them, and...

[00:04:54] Oh no, they have to pay them, but it doesn't affect them nearly as much.

[00:04:57] But I'm the king, and I get everything good.

[00:05:00] If you're rich, a raise of $25 in the price of a washing machine doesn't hurt you as much as if your income is $30,000 a year.

[00:05:08] All I can hear you saying is that I'm rich and my taxes are not going up.

[00:05:13] That's all I can hear.

[00:05:15] Okay.

[00:05:15] And my eggs will be affordable.

[00:05:17] Got it.

[00:05:18] That's what I hear.

[00:05:19] Your eggs won't be affordable.

[00:05:21] That's what I'm hearing, though.

[00:05:23] That's the only thing I can hear you say.

[00:05:26] Okay.

[00:05:27] We're talking about God.

[00:05:29] Okay.

[00:05:29] For those of you who don't know, Trump got elected.

[00:05:31] I don't know how you wouldn't know that, but there it is.

[00:05:35] And wife is on a Trump tear.

[00:05:38] Well, it's not my fault.

[00:05:40] Everything for the next six months possibly has a, I would say, 20% chance of reminding wife of something about Trump.

[00:05:49] Look, you're like, it doesn't seem fair that the king gets his share first.

[00:05:53] And I'm like, doesn't it?

[00:05:54] That's what we do in America.

[00:05:57] That's literally what we just elected.

[00:05:59] So, I mean, it's not my fault.

[00:06:02] It's not my fault.

[00:06:03] I mean, my mind didn't go there, but, you know.

[00:06:06] Well, you are not a small woman in America.

[00:06:11] So, there it is.

[00:06:13] I know you hate it when I go there, but that's how it goes.

[00:06:16] Right.

[00:06:16] It's how it be.

[00:06:17] Hey, fucking eggs.

[00:06:19] Get the fuck out of here.

[00:06:21] Anyway, it's so small.

[00:06:23] So, the Lord relented.

[00:06:25] Well, that was lucky.

[00:06:27] Wow.

[00:06:27] This will not happen, the Lord said.

[00:06:30] Nice.

[00:06:31] Wait, what?

[00:06:31] So, did this, I'm assuming this is Amos that's like, hey, dude, like, can you not?

[00:06:38] But, like, how did he know he was going to send locusts?

[00:06:41] Maybe, did he, like, have, like, a locust plague that he just, like, showed him from the clouds?

[00:06:45] Like, hey, what do you think, man?

[00:06:46] I thought I saw a locust today, Lord.

[00:06:49] Can you not?

[00:06:49] Send him this.

[00:06:50] And the Lord was like, eh, all right.

[00:06:52] This will not happen.

[00:06:53] Amos is like, we did this in the last book, man.

[00:06:56] Don't do it again.

[00:06:57] Don't do it.

[00:06:58] This is what the Sovereign Lord showed me.

[00:07:01] The Sovereign Lord was calling for judgment by fire.

[00:07:05] So, first there were locusts.

[00:07:07] Then there was fire.

[00:07:08] Can we go back to the locusts, maybe?

[00:07:10] No.

[00:07:11] No.

[00:07:11] No.

[00:07:11] Also, I read that by fire, he may or may not have actually meant drought.

[00:07:16] Oh.

[00:07:17] Fire, drought, whatever.

[00:07:18] That's not confusing at all.

[00:07:19] Nah, nah.

[00:07:20] Okay.

[00:07:21] It dried up the great deep and devoured the land.

[00:07:24] Then I cried out, Sovereign Lord, I beg you, stop.

[00:07:28] How can Jacob survive?

[00:07:30] He is so small.

[00:07:32] Yeah.

[00:07:32] So the Lord relented.

[00:07:34] You know how it be.

[00:07:35] You know how when you ask God, hey, could you not?

[00:07:38] Is he doing these things or is he just telling Amos, hey, I'm going to do these things?

[00:07:42] This is what the Sovereign Lord showed me.

[00:07:45] Okay.

[00:07:45] Okay?

[00:07:46] So like these are visions.

[00:07:47] Can we interpret it as like a vision, maybe?

[00:07:49] Yes.

[00:07:49] Okay.

[00:07:49] He's giving him visions.

[00:07:50] There's three of them.

[00:07:51] We've read two.

[00:07:52] Got it.

[00:07:53] Okay.

[00:07:53] So this is like the ghost of Christmas past and future and present and all that.

[00:07:57] And the three little pigs and the three bears.

[00:08:00] Got it.

[00:08:00] Yeah.

[00:08:00] There's always three.

[00:08:01] Yeah.

[00:08:01] Okay.

[00:08:02] Okay.

[00:08:02] So anyway, I'm like me, Amos, I'm like, oh, don't do fire and whatever.

[00:08:08] And then the Lord's like, hey, fine.

[00:08:12] So the Lord relented.

[00:08:13] This will not happen either.

[00:08:14] There's a Sovereign Lord said.

[00:08:16] Okay.

[00:08:16] I mean.

[00:08:17] I don't really see why though.

[00:08:19] Just because this one guy is like, dude, don't please.

[00:08:22] Right?

[00:08:23] Like, you know, you just pray and God gives you whatever you want.

[00:08:26] He lets your football team win.

[00:08:28] But for just like one guy?

[00:08:29] Yeah.

[00:08:29] One guy.

[00:08:30] Sure.

[00:08:30] Okay.

[00:08:31] Amos said so.

[00:08:32] He's getting ready to punish an entire nation.

[00:08:35] And Amos is like, please don't.

[00:08:37] And then he's like, all right.

[00:08:40] All right.

[00:08:40] This makes no sense.

[00:08:41] No, not at all.

[00:08:42] This is what he showed me.

[00:08:44] The Lord was standing by a wall that had been built true to plum with a plum line in his hand.

[00:08:50] And the Lord asked me, what do you see, Amos?

[00:08:55] A plum line.

[00:08:56] I replied.

[00:08:57] Then the Lord said, look, I am setting a plum line among my people Israel.

[00:09:02] I have a note on this.

[00:09:04] Okay.

[00:09:04] I will spare them no longer.

[00:09:06] The high places of Isaac will be destroyed and the sanctuaries of Israel will be ruined.

[00:09:11] With my sword, I will rise against the house of Jeroboam.

[00:09:17] All right.

[00:09:17] But let's find out.

[00:09:18] What the fuck do you mean by plum line again?

[00:09:20] Sure.

[00:09:20] Sure.

[00:09:20] Yeah.

[00:09:21] Because I was like, can you give me a what?

[00:09:25] Okay.

[00:09:26] Yeah.

[00:09:26] So, sorry, I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling.

[00:09:31] Okay.

[00:09:32] The Lord, plum line in his hand.

[00:09:34] Yeah.

[00:09:35] A plum line or a plum bob or a plummet.

[00:09:38] Okay.

[00:09:39] It's a tool to measure not only for building, but also for pulling down what should be done

[00:09:45] in the midst of the people that all might be tried individually and that all might acknowledge

[00:09:51] the justice of the sentence, which is a complete ruin.

[00:09:55] Hmm.

[00:09:56] The Vulgate Latin version renders it a plasterer's or mason's trowel instead of a plum line.

[00:10:05] Okay.

[00:10:05] With which they lay their plaster and mortar on in a building.

[00:10:10] Okay.

[00:10:10] Okay.

[00:10:11] Yeah.

[00:10:11] The septuagint, that's the Greek, translates it as an adamant.

[00:10:17] What's an adamant?

[00:10:18] An adamant what?

[00:10:19] I've heard that before.

[00:10:21] An adamant is an adjective.

[00:10:26] Well, is it or is there a different meaning for it?

[00:10:29] Well, something can be adamant.

[00:10:30] I don't know that something is an adamant.

[00:10:33] Got it.

[00:10:33] Got it.

[00:10:34] Is it a noun?

[00:10:35] It's a mythical substance, apparently.

[00:10:37] A stone or metal believed to be indestructible.

[00:10:40] Oh.

[00:10:41] Oh, like adamantium.

[00:10:42] Yeah.

[00:10:43] Yeah.

[00:10:43] Or like vibranium or whatever.

[00:10:46] Yeah.

[00:10:46] Yeah.

[00:10:46] Like from Wakanda.

[00:10:48] Yeah.

[00:10:48] Okay.

[00:10:48] And it's often associated with like diamonds and things like that.

[00:10:52] Yeah.

[00:10:52] Like isn't adamantium, isn't that like what Wolverine's claws are made out of or some shit

[00:10:57] like that?

[00:10:57] Yeah.

[00:10:58] Yeah.

[00:10:58] Okay.

[00:10:58] Okay.

[00:11:00] It's adamantium then, not adamant.

[00:11:02] Oof.

[00:11:03] All right.

[00:11:04] So yeah, that's what it is in that book.

[00:11:07] Yeah.

[00:11:07] And it is called Anachetes by Pliny, who was one of those early philosopher guys.

[00:11:13] Yeah.

[00:11:14] He was one of the, yeah.

[00:11:15] Yeah.

[00:11:15] A word in sound near to what is being used here.

[00:11:20] What's an Anachetes?

[00:11:22] I didn't look that up.

[00:11:23] I meant to.

[00:11:24] How do you spell that?

[00:11:24] A-N-A-C-H-I-T-E-S.

[00:11:29] Anachetes or Anachites.

[00:11:32] Anachites.

[00:11:33] Got it.

[00:11:34] I'm looking it up right now, so we'll see what I can come up with here.

[00:11:39] Oh, that's just the, it's the giants mentioned in the Bible.

[00:11:44] Ooh, that's fun.

[00:11:46] Probably.

[00:11:47] The Anachites, not Anachetes.

[00:11:49] Or.

[00:11:50] The Anachites?

[00:11:51] Or it's a gemstone also.

[00:11:53] Oh, interesting.

[00:11:54] Or a precious stone.

[00:11:55] Okay.

[00:11:55] Mentioned in some ancient texts, but it says one in the Bible though, it should be the

[00:11:59] The giants.

[00:12:00] The giants.

[00:12:01] The Amalekites?

[00:12:02] The, the, no, the Anachim.

[00:12:05] Anachim.

[00:12:06] Anachim.

[00:12:06] Huh.

[00:12:07] Okay.

[00:12:07] A race of giants mentioned in the Bible.

[00:12:09] Okay.

[00:12:10] I'm so confused.

[00:12:10] And I don't know, like, how you pronounced it when we read it, so.

[00:12:15] Anachetes.

[00:12:15] Anachetes.

[00:12:16] Yeah.

[00:12:16] So I, it could be all, I don't know.

[00:12:19] That is so funny.

[00:12:20] And then the Targum renders it judgment.

[00:12:24] Okay.

[00:12:25] In the Arabic tongue, it signifies either lead or tin, and thus is a line with lead at the

[00:12:33] end of it.

[00:12:33] Okay.

[00:12:34] Okay.

[00:12:34] So I don't know what any of that means, but it's a plumb line.

[00:12:38] Sure.

[00:12:39] Plumb line.

[00:12:40] And he's holding it because he's gonna.

[00:12:43] It sounds almost Wiccan.

[00:12:45] Like, I'm imagining like a Wiccan person with a pendulum, right?

[00:12:50] Like, with a chain, and at the end of the chain is a, like, a pendant, you know?

[00:12:58] Right.

[00:12:58] And they're like trying to see if it swings, and if it does, like, if it swings a certain

[00:13:04] way, the answer is yes, and the other way is no, and it's like, that's how you're being

[00:13:08] judged.

[00:13:10] Like, that's what it sounds like to me.

[00:13:12] Like, this sounds Wiccan.

[00:13:14] All right.

[00:13:15] I just, because I was a little bit confused because it was, they were trying, like, they

[00:13:20] talked about the locusts, and then they talked about the fire, and those made sense as far

[00:13:26] as what that is, but.

[00:13:28] And then the third vision is judgment of some kind.

[00:13:31] Got it.

[00:13:31] Yeah.

[00:13:31] And actually, that's, I just kind of, like, did a brief thing here, but yeah, it's just

[00:13:34] like, it's an assessment, basically, of their deeds and their whatever.

[00:13:40] Yeah.

[00:13:40] Judgment.

[00:13:40] Yeah.

[00:13:41] Judgment.

[00:13:42] Okay.

[00:13:42] It's like the, what's the Wayne thing, the Wayne guy for the Egyptians or whatever?

[00:13:46] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[00:13:46] What is that guy's name?

[00:13:50] He weighs your soul.

[00:13:51] Right.

[00:13:52] Yeah.

[00:13:52] And I forget, isn't he the one that he weighs your soul before you can get on, like, the

[00:13:59] boat to cross?

[00:14:00] Or am I?

[00:14:01] That's Greek.

[00:14:02] Never mind.

[00:14:02] It's Anubis, it looks like.

[00:14:04] Yeah, it's Anubis.

[00:14:04] Yeah, okay.

[00:14:05] Anubis.

[00:14:05] Yeah.

[00:14:06] Yeah.

[00:14:06] I was getting him confused with the guy that rose the boat across the river Styx.

[00:14:10] Right.

[00:14:10] That's Greek.

[00:14:11] Well, he is the judge of the dead, so he's weighing the heart and, you know, all that stuff,

[00:14:15] and it has to do with the afterlife and things like that.

[00:14:17] These guys are all called psychopomps.

[00:14:19] Yeah.

[00:14:20] I know.

[00:14:20] Isn't that just the coolest word?

[00:14:21] It is a cool word, yeah.

[00:14:22] I think I've done this before.

[00:14:24] You have.

[00:14:25] And you were like, at the time, like, psychopomp.

[00:14:28] But now you're like, yes, I know.

[00:14:30] Yes.

[00:14:30] Yes, of course.

[00:14:32] Psychopomp.

[00:14:32] Prom, prom, prom.

[00:14:33] All right, so now we're going to switch topics completely.

[00:14:37] Oh.

[00:14:37] And we'll talk about this more in the Q&A, I think.

[00:14:42] Okay.

[00:14:42] But some Bible-y scholar people are like, whoa, this shit came out of nowhere and completely

[00:14:48] interrupted the visions because we're talking about something else now.

[00:14:52] Oh, okay.

[00:14:53] Like, it's like, yeah, it's a whole new chapter, but it's not a new chapter.

[00:14:58] Okay.

[00:14:58] Okay?

[00:14:59] Yeah.

[00:14:59] All right, so anyways, back at the ranch.

[00:15:01] Yeah.

[00:15:02] Then Amaziah, the priest of Bethel, sent a message to Jeroboam, king of Israel.

[00:15:08] Okay.

[00:15:09] Amos is raising a conspiracy against you in the very heart of Israel.

[00:15:14] The land cannot bear all of his words, for this is what Amos is saying.

[00:15:21] Jeroboam will die by the sword, and Israel will surely go into exile away from their native

[00:15:27] land.

[00:15:28] Ugh.

[00:15:28] Ugh.

[00:15:28] Yeah, this is very misplaced.

[00:15:30] Right?

[00:15:30] Yeah.

[00:15:31] Yeah.

[00:15:31] Then Amaziah, this is like so like high school girls, you know what I mean?

[00:15:36] Yeah.

[00:15:36] Then Amaziah goes to Amos, get out, you seer.

[00:15:40] Ugh.

[00:15:41] Go back to the land of Judah.

[00:15:43] Earn your bread there.

[00:15:45] And do your prophesying there.

[00:15:47] Don't prophecy anymore at Bethel because this, this is the king's sanctuary and the temple

[00:15:52] of the kingdom.

[00:15:53] Boom.

[00:15:54] Yeah.

[00:15:55] Ugh.

[00:15:55] Get your ass out of here.

[00:15:56] You could see that he like totally snapped his fingers in his face when he was done and

[00:16:00] was like, be gone, bitch.

[00:16:02] It's like he started, like if this was actually, you know, Amos writing this, it's like he started

[00:16:07] with one idea.

[00:16:08] And then like, he was like, these fuckers are trying to get me banished.

[00:16:11] I'm going to, I'm going to write about them.

[00:16:13] Yeah.

[00:16:13] You know, and then it was just like there.

[00:16:14] Yeah.

[00:16:15] You know?

[00:16:15] And then somebody just stapled it together without.

[00:16:17] I don't know why this is here, but the whatever it's here.

[00:16:20] So all I did, I just picked up the pages on the floor.

[00:16:22] I didn't say this is the order they went.

[00:16:24] You told me to get the papers.

[00:16:25] You did not tell me to look at what page number.

[00:16:28] It's like when you go, are you sure they're all in the right order?

[00:16:32] Yeah.

[00:16:32] Yeah.

[00:16:33] They're all.

[00:16:34] Yes.

[00:16:34] They're all in the right order.

[00:16:36] I solemnly swear.

[00:16:37] I am up to no good.

[00:16:40] So then Amos answered Amaziah.

[00:16:42] I was neither a prophet nor the son of a prophet.

[00:16:46] You stupid bitch.

[00:16:47] But I was a shepherd.

[00:16:49] Hello.

[00:16:49] And I also took care of sycamore fig trees.

[00:16:53] But the Lord Amos is like, I'm not even a real prophet.

[00:16:58] And you're kicking me out for the shit I'm saying.

[00:17:00] It's not even my fault.

[00:17:01] But you're claiming to be a prophet.

[00:17:03] It's not my fault.

[00:17:04] God is telling me what to say.

[00:17:06] I'm just quoting God.

[00:17:08] Like, look, I'm Amos.

[00:17:09] Okay.

[00:17:10] You be.

[00:17:11] What's his name?

[00:17:12] Amaziah.

[00:17:12] You be Amaziah.

[00:17:14] Before we get into the role play.

[00:17:16] Anybody could say they're talking for God.

[00:17:18] Of course.

[00:17:19] Yes.

[00:17:19] So you're Amaziah.

[00:17:21] And you're like, be gone, bitch.

[00:17:22] Yeah, be gone, bitch.

[00:17:23] You know.

[00:17:24] I love that you don't want to call me a bitch.

[00:17:26] Oh, I love you.

[00:17:28] That's so sweet.

[00:17:29] Okay.

[00:17:30] So you're like, be gone, bitch.

[00:17:32] And then, okay.

[00:17:33] So now I am Amos.

[00:17:34] I'm not even a prophet for fuck's sake.

[00:17:37] Oh, my God.

[00:17:37] I just woke up one morning.

[00:17:39] And God was like this.

[00:17:41] And I showed you this.

[00:17:42] And I showed you that.

[00:17:43] And now you're making me go away.

[00:17:44] And it's not even my fault.

[00:17:46] What?

[00:17:46] Oh, my God.

[00:17:48] And then, okay.

[00:17:48] Now you, you be Amos.

[00:17:50] And I was like, stop whining.

[00:17:52] Yeah.

[00:17:52] Stop whining.

[00:17:53] I'm not whining.

[00:17:54] It's just that this is my house.

[00:17:56] I just want to live here.

[00:17:57] Can't I just live?

[00:17:58] Can't I just live my life?

[00:18:00] Oh, my God.

[00:18:01] Sounds like the guy from Clerks, Dante, that he's like, I'm not even supposed to be here

[00:18:07] today.

[00:18:08] Oh, my God.

[00:18:09] Yeah.

[00:18:10] Yeah.

[00:18:10] Except that he's not quite as whiny as what I was doing.

[00:18:12] Well, he was pretty, like.

[00:18:13] I mean, he was like, I'm not even supposed to be here today.

[00:18:15] He was kind of shitty about it the whole time.

[00:18:17] Shitty, but not whiny.

[00:18:18] Right.

[00:18:18] Yeah.

[00:18:19] Like, he was like, I'm not even supposed to be here today.

[00:18:20] No, he had a couple of, like, fit-throwing things where he was like, I'm not even, you

[00:18:23] know, whatever.

[00:18:24] I'm not even supposed to be here today.

[00:18:25] Right.

[00:18:25] Yeah.

[00:18:26] He was pretty.

[00:18:27] But he wasn't like, ah.

[00:18:29] Well, I mean, to be fair, you're adding that inflection to this for us.

[00:18:32] I am, because I'm putting my voice.

[00:18:37] This is how I would sound if I was bitching and moaning.

[00:18:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:18:41] But the Lord took me, Amos, from tending the flock.

[00:18:45] You know, like, I'm just laying there.

[00:18:47] I'm just, like, watching my sheep and whatever, okay?

[00:18:50] And then the Lord took me and said to me, go prophesy to my people Israel.

[00:18:55] Now then, hear the word of the Lord.

[00:18:57] You say, do not prophesy against Israel and stop preaching against the descendants of Isaacs.

[00:19:02] But, therefore, this is what the Lord says.

[00:19:06] Maybe we should just, you know, maybe we're going about this whole thing all wrong.

[00:19:09] We are.

[00:19:10] Maybe we should just get out there and be like, God told us to say this.

[00:19:13] God said that.

[00:19:15] Did you know it's very easy to set up a church?

[00:19:17] Yeah, yeah.

[00:19:18] God told us that all people should be treated and respected equally.

[00:19:25] Women's rights should be reinstated.

[00:19:26] God said.

[00:19:27] God said.

[00:19:28] Don't look at me.

[00:19:28] God said this.

[00:19:29] He just, he told me to tell you.

[00:19:31] We should, like, reprint the Bible, but only the good bits.

[00:19:36] That's going to be real short.

[00:19:38] I know.

[00:19:38] Very short.

[00:19:39] Very short.

[00:19:40] And you've got to take out, like, all the boring bits.

[00:19:41] To be fair, people don't really like to read, so that might actually go over that.

[00:19:43] That's what I'm saying.

[00:19:44] Like, we just took out the boring bits.

[00:19:46] This is the good bits.

[00:19:47] Yeah.

[00:19:48] And we're going to paraphrase it, you know?

[00:19:50] Yeah.

[00:19:50] Just put it on.

[00:19:51] Yeah.

[00:19:51] Hell, just make up shit.

[00:19:53] Most people aren't even going to know what was in there anyway.

[00:19:55] That's what I'm saying.

[00:19:55] So just make it sound sort of like, you know, old style language.

[00:19:59] Yeah.

[00:20:00] And rewrite it.

[00:20:01] And then just be like, here's the Bible, guys.

[00:20:03] This is the Bible.

[00:20:03] You know, I don't care if that's not the Bible.

[00:20:06] That's the one God told me is the Bible.

[00:20:07] God told me that thou art wearing pink on Wednesdays.

[00:20:10] Yeah.

[00:20:11] It's not my fault.

[00:20:12] I had wife write this while I had my head in a toilet.

[00:20:15] And that's what God had me do.

[00:20:17] Look, all I did was tell ChatGPT to channel God.

[00:20:23] And this is what came out.

[00:20:25] And you are telling me that is not correct?

[00:20:27] I call bullshit.

[00:20:29] Right.

[00:20:30] Nobody could direct ChatGPT better than God.

[00:20:33] Are you saying God could not type these words?

[00:20:37] Blasphemer.

[00:20:39] Oh, my gosh.

[00:20:40] You are going to burn, sir.

[00:20:42] I recommend you get your rainbows in order and you start appealing to your neighbors.

[00:20:47] Yeah.

[00:20:49] Anyways, your wife will become a prostitute, just saying, in the city.

[00:20:54] Okay?

[00:20:54] Like, I'm Amos and I'm talking to Amaziah.

[00:20:56] Mm-hmm.

[00:20:57] Yeah.

[00:20:57] And I'm like, remember how you just told me to get the fuck out?

[00:21:00] And I was like, but I'm just a lowly farm boy.

[00:21:03] And you're like, so git.

[00:21:05] And I'm like, but I don't even know anything.

[00:21:08] God just told me this shit.

[00:21:10] Guess what?

[00:21:11] What?

[00:21:11] Your wife will become a prostitute in the city.

[00:21:14] I'm sorry.

[00:21:15] Damn.

[00:21:15] And your sons and daughters will fall by the sword.

[00:21:17] Whatever.

[00:21:18] Your kids are just going to die.

[00:21:20] Yeah.

[00:21:20] Whatever.

[00:21:21] Right.

[00:21:21] Your land will be measured and divided up and you yourself will die in a pagan country.

[00:21:26] I'm just saying.

[00:21:27] And Israel will surely go into exile away from their native land.

[00:21:31] The end.

[00:21:31] I'm just telling you what God said.

[00:21:32] I don't know.

[00:21:33] Wow.

[00:21:34] Yeah.

[00:21:34] That was a phone drop, people.

[00:21:36] That was a mic drop.

[00:21:36] Not a mic drop, but a phone drop.

[00:21:37] Well, it was by the mic and it could have been a mic drop if you had not said that it wasn't.

[00:21:45] Oh, yeah, that's true.

[00:21:46] I could have said that.

[00:21:47] Yeah.

[00:21:47] Yeah.

[00:21:48] He was just basically like your wife is going to be a fucking whore and your kids are going

[00:21:53] to die and you're going to get shipped out and then you're going to die, too.

[00:21:57] How do you feel about that?

[00:21:58] Did you want to still exile me, asshole?

[00:22:02] Take it back.

[00:22:03] Take it back.

[00:22:04] I had I had a write a short version of the Bible.

[00:22:07] You want to you want to hear it?

[00:22:08] I do.

[00:22:09] What did God tell you?

[00:22:10] So this this is this is a channeling God to write a short version of the Bible.

[00:22:14] First, you got to read your prompt.

[00:22:15] So my prompt was channel God and write a short version of the Bible in a fifth grade wording.

[00:22:19] Oh, I love it.

[00:22:20] That's exactly how I would have done it, too.

[00:22:23] So here's what it says.

[00:22:25] The big story of the Bible in the beginning, there was nothing.

[00:22:30] Then God said, let there be light.

[00:22:32] And bam, the whole universe was born.

[00:22:34] He made the stars, the sun, the moon, earth and all the awesome animals.

[00:22:39] He even made special humans, Adam and Eve, to live in a beautiful garden.

[00:22:44] But Adam and Eve broke a rule and that messed things up.

[00:22:49] Life got harder and people started making bad choices.

[00:22:52] But God still loved them.

[00:22:54] He promised to send someone special to help.

[00:22:57] Meanwhile, God chose a guy named Abraham and his family to become a special group.

[00:23:02] He gave them rules to follow and promised to bless them.

[00:23:05] They had some wild adventures, like when Moses led them out of Egypt and Joseph saved them from a famine.

[00:23:10] I can't with this.

[00:23:11] I hate it so much.

[00:23:13] Go on.

[00:23:13] Finally, God sent his son, Jesus, to earth.

[00:23:17] Jesus was super kind and taught everyone about God's love.

[00:23:20] He even did miracles, like healing sick people and making blind people see.

[00:23:25] The way you spoke, it sounded like you said killing blind people instead of healing.

[00:23:31] Healing.

[00:23:32] Sorry.

[00:23:33] Not the best reader.

[00:23:35] Keep going.

[00:23:36] Keep going.

[00:23:37] But some people didn't like Jesus and were mean to him.

[00:23:40] Yeah, because kindness never sells.

[00:23:42] We only like hate and Nazism in this world.

[00:23:45] They even put him on a cross.

[00:23:47] Yes, they did.

[00:23:48] Yeah.

[00:23:48] But guess what?

[00:23:49] What?

[00:23:50] Jesus rose from the dead.

[00:23:52] No way.

[00:23:53] He showed everyone that he was stronger than death and promised to always be there with them.

[00:23:58] After that, oh, I'm sorry.

[00:24:00] Always be there with them.

[00:24:01] After that, his friends spread his message of love and forgiveness all over the world.

[00:24:05] His friends, huh?

[00:24:06] Yeah.

[00:24:06] Okay.

[00:24:07] The Bible's two main parts.

[00:24:08] Old Testament.

[00:24:09] Stories are about creation, Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, Moses, and the Ten Commandments.

[00:24:14] It's all about God's promises and how he chose a special group of people.

[00:24:17] That's what it's all about.

[00:24:19] New Testament.

[00:24:19] All about Jesus' life, his teachings, his death on the cross, and his amazing resurrection.

[00:24:24] It also tells how his friends shared his message with everyone.

[00:24:27] The main point.

[00:24:29] God loves everyone so much.

[00:24:31] He wants us to be kind to each other, follow his rules, and trust in Jesus.

[00:24:35] If we do that, we can be friends with God forever and ever.

[00:24:39] The end.

[00:24:40] What if we don't do that?

[00:24:42] Then we can't be friends with God?

[00:24:43] Apparently.

[00:24:44] Who's going to tell the Nazis?

[00:24:47] Who's going to tell Trump?

[00:24:49] Oh, I'm so sad for these.

[00:24:50] They don't get to be friends with God forever and ever.

[00:24:52] We really need to finish our version of the Bible.

[00:24:54] Like, we've started kind of writing our version of the Bible.

[00:24:58] Yeah.

[00:24:59] We really need to get that done.

[00:25:00] We do need to get that done.

[00:25:01] Because I'm so looking.

[00:25:02] We're going to.

[00:25:03] So we plan on writing one for ourselves.

[00:25:05] And we're going to do it like book by book.

[00:25:08] So like Genesis and then, you know, so on and so forth.

[00:25:10] And incorporate stuff from our podcast.

[00:25:12] And yeah, it's going to be a really fun project, I think, by the time we're done with it.

[00:25:16] But it's going to take a long time.

[00:25:18] An undertaking.

[00:25:20] Yeah.

[00:25:20] Don't have any illusions that it's coming out like next week or even next month or probably even in the next year.

[00:25:25] Right.

[00:25:26] But at some point.

[00:25:28] At some point.

[00:25:29] It's something we want to do.

[00:25:29] Yeah.

[00:25:30] Because it just seems like fun.

[00:25:31] It seems like we should.

[00:25:33] It seems like we should.

[00:25:34] We've come this far.

[00:25:35] It seems like if there's anybody that was meant to do that, it was us.

[00:25:38] God has spoken.

[00:25:39] What can you do?

[00:25:41] We were just out there tending our sheep.

[00:25:43] And then one day God was like, go read the Bible and talk about how much of a dick I am.

[00:25:48] You know, honestly, I think it was more like we have spoken.

[00:25:51] Oh, yeah.

[00:25:51] You and I have spoken.

[00:25:53] Oh, yeah.

[00:25:53] Actually, specifically about doing this.

[00:25:55] Actually, if you want to be real clear, I have spoken.

[00:25:59] Because I said, husband, let's read the Bible.

[00:26:02] And you were like, I'm sorry, what?

[00:26:03] You're talking about initially when we started this whole thing.

[00:26:05] Yeah.

[00:26:06] Yeah.

[00:26:06] Yeah.

[00:26:06] And you were like, I'm sorry, what?

[00:26:08] And I was like, you wanted to do a podcast.

[00:26:10] Yeah.

[00:26:10] Let's read the Bible.

[00:26:11] It's material for.

[00:26:12] Right.

[00:26:13] Like, it's turtles all the way down.

[00:26:14] You know, we'll never have.

[00:26:15] We'll never run out.

[00:26:16] Yeah.

[00:26:17] It's.

[00:26:17] Yeah.

[00:26:18] And you were like, you were like, I don't want to read the Bible.

[00:26:21] I was like, I don't either.

[00:26:22] That's why it'll be fun.

[00:26:23] Right.

[00:26:24] And it is.

[00:26:25] It's the funnest.

[00:26:26] It's so horrible.

[00:26:26] I hate it.

[00:26:27] It's so horrible.

[00:26:28] But fun.

[00:26:28] I mean, I mean, this is fun.

[00:26:30] Yeah.

[00:26:30] Today was fun because it's so fucking stupid.

[00:26:33] Right.

[00:26:33] Yeah.

[00:26:34] I'm not even a prophet.

[00:26:36] Like, what?

[00:26:37] Not even supposed to be here today.

[00:26:42] That was Amos chapter seven.

[00:26:44] It sure as fuck was.

[00:26:45] Oh my God.

[00:26:46] I missed a Ghostbusters reference.

[00:26:48] What?

[00:26:49] Oh my God.

[00:26:49] It's totally Winston Zedmore when they're in jail.

[00:26:52] And Winston Zedmore's like, I wasn't even there.

[00:26:55] I don't even.

[00:26:56] I just work for these guys.

[00:26:58] Oh yeah.

[00:26:58] Yeah.

[00:26:59] Yeah.

[00:26:59] I can't believe you missed a, I mean, you didn't.

[00:27:01] I almost missed it.

[00:27:02] You almost missed it.

[00:27:03] Yeah.

[00:27:03] Yeah.

[00:27:03] Yeah.

[00:27:04] That would have been tragic.

[00:27:05] It would have been tragic.

[00:27:06] You probably would have had to start the next episode with that.

[00:27:08] I would have.

[00:27:09] If it occurred to you after we got done.

[00:27:10] Yeah.

[00:27:11] Okay.

[00:27:11] Sorry.

[00:27:11] So it's a good thing it didn't.

[00:27:12] Right.

[00:27:12] Yes.

[00:27:13] I got it in.

[00:27:14] Yeah.

[00:27:14] So that was Amos chapter seven.

[00:27:16] And a Ghostbusters reference.

[00:27:17] And a Ghostbusters reference.

[00:27:18] Yes.

[00:27:18] Which means we'll be back tomorrow with.

[00:27:20] Not a Ghostbusters reference unless there's a new one.

[00:27:23] And a mouse chapter eight.

[00:27:25] Amos chapter eight.

[00:27:26] A mouse.

[00:27:28] See you guys.

[00:27:28] Bye.