Prepare yourself for an irreverent romp through the ancient temple tantrums of the almighty as we dive headfirst into Ezekiel Chapter 8 on our latest episode of the most blasphemously hilarious podcast this side of the Pearly Gates. Our dynamic atheist duo tears into the Biblical drama with the kind of snark only true skeptics can muster, proving that divine visions can be as laughable as they are fiery.
Ezekiel's getting the celestial Uber treatment again, folks! This time, his VIP pass to God's own peep show reveals Israel's fondness for idol worship and other gods, much to Yahweh's chagrin. Watch out, because when God's temper flares, it's more than just brimstone and smite – it's a full-on divine comedy of wrath that even Dante would double-take at.
In this episode, our hosts aren't just poking fun at the holy fireworks; they're questioning the sanity of a deity who throws heavenly hissy fits at the sight of a few misplaced idols. The ancient Judeans are turning to every deity but Yahweh, and honestly, who can blame them? With Babylon knocking on their doors, our podcasters speculate that it might just be time to swipe right on some new divine profiles.
Between cheeky banter and candid observations, we also discuss the mysterious rituals of yore, like the baffling "branch to the nose" gesture that has our hosts scratching their heads. Was it an ancient bird flip, a religious rave, or just another divine typo lost in translation? Who knows, but it sure does make for an entertaining debate!
Join us as we dissect every idol curve and prophetic misadventure, where we don't just walk through the valley of the shadow of death – we crack jokes and take names. If you thought the Old Testament was just fire and brimstone, prepare to be enlightened by the only light we need: the spotlight on absurdity. And hey, while you're here, why not support us on Patreon for more sacrilegious banter that's worth every penny? Or don't. After all, in the end, it's just another day in Ezekiel's wacky world of wrath and repentance.
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[00:00:03] Hey everyone, husband here and I'm Wife. If you've been listening to us
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[00:01:15] Welcome to sacrilegious discourse. I'm husband and I'm wife together
[00:01:19] We're reading the Bible for the very first time we grew up without religion and wanted to know what all the fuss was about
[00:01:25] Well, what have we learned so far that God is a dick and apparently some people believe in talking donkeys
[00:01:32] We're not trying to pass ourselves off as experts
[00:01:34] Nope
[00:01:34] We're just reading the Bible for the first time and given our first take reaction
[00:01:38] If you'd like to join us in this venture you might consider starting that episode one otherwise jump in wherever you like
[00:01:44] All right. Let's go read the Bible. Yeah, let's get to it
[00:01:47] Do you remember what happened yesterday and where the hell we are today?
[00:01:57] well
[00:01:59] yesterday we read Ezekiel chapter 7 shirts fuck dead and God was mad at Israel again
[00:02:06] still forever always and he's going to enact judgment on them and then he's
[00:02:13] Then some of them will repent and they'll be okay, but mostly he's gonna get you
[00:02:17] I feel like I could condense half the Bible into guys gonna kill you
[00:02:22] He's gonna save a few of you and you'll be okay. Yeah, like that
[00:02:26] We could cut out like half the fucking Old Testament. I agree. Yeah, it's kind of ridiculous. Yes
[00:02:33] So before we get into the what we're doing and all that stuff
[00:02:36] I do want to mention that we are in the midst of a drive for patreon right now
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[00:03:31] Oh
[00:03:39] So anyway, now I'm butchering the fuck out of that
[00:03:44] Yesterday we read a Zekeel chapter 7 which means that today we're getting into a Zekeel chapter 8. All right, let's do this
[00:03:53] Okey-dokey
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[00:04:34] people today
[00:04:57] No sir, I have that you know that
[00:04:58] It's a feeling we've ever had a way more in a little to do with my club. What are you coming with?
[00:05:03] They'll always show us base man had the here we only little dopamine mackerel
[00:05:07] All right, we are here jumping into easy Kyle chapter 8
[00:05:17] We're as Eqiel as some people know it. I'm just saying you know throwing that out there
[00:05:21] I'm not not correcting just throwing it out there easy K
[00:05:23] Here we go all right in the sixth year in the six months on the fifth day
[00:05:29] While I was sitting in my house and the elders of Judah were sitting before me the hand of the sovereign Lord came on me there
[00:05:36] He came on you
[00:05:39] Okay, let me let me go check my nose so that I can give you the date right
[00:05:43] So he was having a brunch with some some I'll get to that in a minute. Okay. Yeah sovereign Lord
[00:05:49] There was a sovereign Lord's
[00:05:52] Yeah, some elders elders elders. Yeah some of the elders
[00:05:55] Okay, so by most calculations scholars agree that this day falls on September 17th, okay?
[00:06:02] 592 BCE
[00:06:04] Okay
[00:06:06] Why?
[00:06:07] Based on because I said in the sixth year in the six month on the fifth day. Oh
[00:06:12] Okay, and so they calculated it out and they're like probably this is the day that he's got it. Okay. Okay. All right
[00:06:18] Okay, so here's what we know right um
[00:06:21] easy Kyle is over in
[00:06:24] Babylon right yes, that's what I thought that's why I understood he's in Babylon
[00:06:30] However, he's got a house in Babylon. Yeah, and so he's doing alright. Yeah
[00:06:36] I mean yeah, you would think in so far
[00:06:38] I live like you know on the street or something so and the elders of that area where he lives
[00:06:43] Apparently come over and shoot the shit with him regularly because they're not like it was so weird that they were there
[00:06:49] Right. Yeah, like they're just like yeah
[00:06:51] There was this one time when the dudes came over and so they probably came over
[00:06:57] periodically or frequently whatever to hear what
[00:07:01] Easy Kyle had to say about God
[00:07:04] Ezekiel Ezekiel. Oh my god. Okay
[00:07:10] So they probably consulted with him on a regular basis okay to you know get the haps on what
[00:07:17] They were like taking it back when he like poltergeist into like this God vision right in front of them
[00:07:23] Is that what happened like God? God was speaking to him like as they were there weren't they it wasn't he just the
[00:07:29] Hand of the Lord like touched him on the shoulder or some shit. It came on him. Yeah, I mean all over him
[00:07:36] I
[00:07:37] Mean I don't know he's just sitting there. All right, so let's find out what happened
[00:07:42] Okay, sure I looked and I saw a figure like that of a man from what appeared to be his waist down
[00:07:49] Wait, we're looking at his dick again. We're looking at his dick again
[00:07:52] But this what's what's what is on fire?
[00:07:56] From his dick is on fire
[00:07:59] Exactly. All right his waist down. He was like fire and from there up his appearance was as bright as glowing metal
[00:08:07] Hmm. Okay. Okay. All right. He stretched out what looked like a hand and took me by the hair of my head
[00:08:14] Grabbed his hair
[00:08:20] Yeah, yeah
[00:08:22] The spirit lifted me up between earth and heaven
[00:08:26] Oh and in visions of God he took me to Jerusalem
[00:08:31] Wow, so he this dude gets transported all over the place by celestial beings
[00:08:36] Yeah, but it's by this one's not an actual
[00:08:41] Transportation it's in spirit only okay because it says in vision
[00:08:46] But I feel like this guy's got the hookup with divine uber. He does have divine uber indeed. He does
[00:08:52] So okay, so God took him in visions to Jerusalem to the entrance of the North gate of the inner court
[00:08:59] Where the idol that provokes to jealousy stood? Okay, okay? All right
[00:09:05] And there before me was the glory of the God of Israel as in the vision I had seen in the plane
[00:09:12] so
[00:09:13] God like in spirit picked him up and took him to Jerusalem and plopped him down and then is like
[00:09:20] standing before him as
[00:09:22] Appearing like he did on the plane. Okay. All right weird. Yeah, we've had multiple times where he's like appeared to him
[00:09:29] This way. Yes, it's an odd
[00:09:32] Vision that he's having of God or or other
[00:09:36] Beings that are of heaven or whatever right not heaven, but whatever you know that that shit up there in the sky
[00:09:41] Yeah, whatever it whatever it is, right?
[00:09:44] Then he God said to me Ezekiel
[00:09:48] Son of man mere human mere human look toward the north
[00:09:53] So I looked and in the entrance north of the gate of the altar
[00:09:57] I saw this idol of jealousy. Mmm. Okay, and he said to me son of man
[00:10:03] Yummier human. Yeah, do you see what the fuck they are doing?
[00:10:07] The utterly detestable things that Israelites are doing here. What are they doing things that will drive me far from my
[00:10:16] Sanctuary, but you will see things that are even more fucking detestable just wait. Oh, okay, so
[00:10:23] I'm curious what these things are. They're not that bad. Oh, okay, just telling you
[00:10:28] But God is probably willing to kill over it though. Yeah. Yeah, he's like
[00:10:34] Like he's blustery and his cheeks are red and blown out. He's like
[00:10:39] Like he can't even talk. He's so pissed. Yeah, right. Yeah, then he God brought me Ezekiel to the entrance to the court
[00:10:47] I looked and I saw a hole in the wall now in some translations
[00:10:53] He spiritually dug a hole in the wall to be able to see something. Yeah, okay. Oh
[00:11:00] No, that's actually about to happen my bad. Oh, he said to me son of man
[00:11:05] You know, yeah, you're human right now dig into the wall
[00:11:09] So I dug into the wall and I saw a doorway there
[00:11:12] And he said to me go in and see the wicked and detestable things they are doing here
[00:11:18] Okay, okay ready. Yeah, I'm ready. This is in Jerusalem
[00:11:21] Hypothetically, right? Okay. Yes in spirit only this is like this is like the Christmas Carol, but like
[00:11:29] Yes, exactly right so I went in and looked the ghost of Jerusalem's
[00:11:35] Pat present present present. I don't know something so I went in and looked and I saw portrayed all
[00:11:43] Over the walls all kinds of crawling things and unclean animals and all the idols of Israel
[00:11:50] So basically people like a storehouse for idols and no no people the people who are allowed in the temple
[00:11:58] The only ones allowed in our priests and oh, yeah, and so
[00:12:04] Housing in there. Yeah, well, they're they're
[00:12:08] Unclean animals and idols of Israel. It's not a storehouse these they're actively worshiping
[00:12:14] pagan gods in the house of Yahweh
[00:12:17] And we're supposed to believe this based on the dream from Ezekiel. Yes, okay
[00:12:21] Yes, all right, and this is what they're doing in there and God is like, can you even I mean what the f right?
[00:12:28] Right. Yeah in front of them stood 70 elders of Israel
[00:12:33] 70 elders. Yeah, okay, and Jay as a Naya son of chiffon was standing among them
[00:12:41] So what is there some significance to this guy? Yes because chiffon was the father of two other dudes that
[00:12:50] From Jeremiah, okay, they were the ones that helped Jeremiah like they were oh
[00:12:56] So these are people that help Jeremiah. No, oh, let me explain. Okay, okay
[00:13:01] So this guy chiffon he's got three sons at least three sons. Okay. Yeah, two of them are good and in good standing
[00:13:08] And they helped Jeremiah. Okay. Yeah, but this other one. He's a shit. He's clearly a piece of shit
[00:13:14] Okay, the apple fell far from the tree with this one. Okay. All right, so that's what happened
[00:13:19] So he's standing there like a bad representation of this decent family with all of these elders
[00:13:27] praising and worshiping
[00:13:29] Idols, okay in the house of God. Okay. Okay. Yeah
[00:13:33] So anyway, he was standing among them each had a sensor in his hand and a fragrant cloud of incense was rising
[00:13:42] So a sensor is you know, it holds incense. Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah, so they're all like
[00:13:48] Raising incense to these idols got it. He said to me god said to me son of man
[00:13:54] You mere human have you seen what the elders of israel are doing in the darkness?
[00:13:59] Each at the shrine of his own idol
[00:14:03] They say the lord does not see us. The lord has forsaken the land
[00:14:07] They're they're burning incense. That's what they're doing
[00:14:10] But there's also unclean animals there. So they sacrificed animals. They weren't supposed to sacrifice
[00:14:16] Okay, and the idols are not supposed to be in there and they're lighting the incense to worship these other gods
[00:14:23] Okay, so let me just make sure I got this correct
[00:14:25] There's dead animals much like there is in god's temple
[00:14:30] But the wrong ones the wrong ones. They're still dead animals, right? Yes. Yes, there's there's burning sticks of scent
[00:14:37] and there is uh
[00:14:40] Wooden or metal statues, right and god is going to get pissed off to the point where he wants to kill people over this
[00:14:46] Yes, okay. I just wanted to clarify before we moved along. Yes, that's what was going on
[00:14:51] Yeah, so and they were doing it in secret
[00:14:54] Sure. I mean what's the point? I guess if you're gonna get in trouble for something you'd probably do it in secret
[00:14:59] Right, right exactly, right. Okay. So that's that's like the first thing that he sees
[00:15:05] I gotta say though. It probably isn't that fucking secret because
[00:15:09] Honestly, he's punishing all of israel slash juda for this this kind of thing. Yeah, so it doesn't seem like it's very
[00:15:17] Secret right it's kind of out there. It's very like on the hill tops and then the ravines and in the fucking temple
[00:15:23] And it's in the house is it's everywhere. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna see more
[00:15:27] But that's like the first thing he sees. Okay. Yeah, so he's like this is fucked up
[00:15:31] But just wait it gets worse right, okay
[00:15:33] Again, he said you will see them doing
[00:15:36] Things that are even more detestable
[00:15:40] Then he brought me to the entrance of the north gate of the house of the lord and I saw women sitting there
[00:15:47] Morning the god tamuz not morning something. Okay
[00:15:51] There's a whole backstory to this and there's enough that I found our q&a. Oh, okay. They they're not morning
[00:16:00] Morning like it's part of a practice. Okay. Like part of this is a ritual
[00:16:06] Or this pagan god or whatever. Yes, and we're gonna talk about tamuz later. Okay. Yeah, just hold that thought in your head that these
[00:16:15] Yeah, I mean it's the day after tomorrow. Yeah, so
[00:16:18] The people are um, all right, I guess it's the day after the day after tomorrow. I because this comes out on Wednesday
[00:16:25] Yeah, whatever it's someday this weekend. Yes
[00:16:28] Later after today, right? So the women are
[00:16:32] performing a ritual to
[00:16:35] a very well known
[00:16:37] Um pagan god, right? Okay. He said to me do you and they're doing it in not in secret
[00:16:44] They're in the open right there by the gate. Yeah, these women are right out there in front of the house like in the gate
[00:16:50] Like you said and we've talked about this before too. They obviously don't fear ya way very much exactly
[00:16:55] Exactly. So whatever they're like what wait, you know what?
[00:16:59] The
[00:17:00] There's things happening, right politically like I'm sure there's armies bearing down on them near this point in time
[00:17:06] Yeah, right. They've already been attacked by babel on once
[00:17:10] Sure and had a bunch of them. Well, not before like in the 590s or whatever, but no we are because
[00:17:16] because um
[00:17:18] Zekiel was in the second
[00:17:20] Group the second wave of people that you're right. You're right
[00:17:24] Yeah, so they're like if you if you don't have a clear message and they didn't like we've talked about that
[00:17:29] There's all kinds of wrong prophets. There's all kinds of shit going on. Yeah, but if you don't have a clear message from
[00:17:34] The one god right that hypothetically rules everything. Yeah, but if you don't have a clear message from that god
[00:17:41] Why wouldn't you reach out to try to get other types of help?
[00:17:44] Exactly, you know like fuck this shit things are going south man. I need some help
[00:17:48] Well, not only that but why wouldn't they think that their god has deserted them
[00:17:51] It kind of seems like he did pretty much said he did. Yeah, so yeah, fuck him. Yeah, no, I totally agree with you
[00:17:58] So he god said to me zekiel do you see this son of man?
[00:18:04] You mere human
[00:18:06] You will see things that are even more detestable than more than worshiping another oh my god
[00:18:12] Not more than worshiping another god. I have a spoiler alert ready. What do you think the last one is? Oh, um
[00:18:19] Never mind. It's worshiping another god again. Oh
[00:18:24] So how is that was worshiping this god more detestable than worshiping that god because the first one was in secret
[00:18:29] The next one was in front of the house
[00:18:31] These ones. Oh, just wait. Okay. All right. I'm waiting. He then brought me into the inner court
[00:18:37] Of the house of the lord. Not the inner court. Why would they do it there?
[00:18:41] And there at the entrance to the temple between the portico and the altar were about 25 men
[00:18:48] Not 25 men the women. They're just dumb right? So I mean they can get away with I'm being facetious. No, I know
[00:18:57] But men 25 of them, right? Yeah, okay with their backs toward the temple of the lord
[00:19:03] And their faces toward the east they were bowing down to the sun in the east
[00:19:09] They were worshiping the sun god
[00:19:12] Which if it was Egypt would be called raw, you know their god literally just admitted that he sent armies after that
[00:19:19] So even if you did believe in that god, I might switch teams at that point, you know, right? Yeah
[00:19:24] Like kind of fuck off man. What I'm finding interesting is that
[00:19:28] There are three different groups of people in this vision
[00:19:32] Worshiping at least three different gods, right? At the same time. Yeah
[00:19:39] like these people clearly are
[00:19:42] Afraid of what's coming and they're like, okay, you guys throwing spaghetti at the god wall. Yeah
[00:19:47] Totally they're like you guys go in and you pray to this god and this god and this god
[00:19:52] You ladies come over here. You pray to that god and we're gonna go over here and we're gonna
[00:19:57] Um pray to the egyptian god. Yeah, she is not going well. Yeah, let's let's fix this any way we can
[00:20:03] We want to go back home to juda because we're in babel on right now or no
[00:20:06] No, these guys are in jerusalem. Yeah my bad, right and all we got all we got here in jerusalem is this guy
[00:20:11] They cry a lot. Oh, yeah
[00:20:14] I'm fucking weeping jeremiah. Yeah, so I just I find that really interesting the people are doing all this
[00:20:21] Like it makes sense, right? So he god said to me jeremiah. Have you seen this son of man?
[00:20:28] Is it a trivial matter for the people of juda to do the detestable things they are doing here
[00:20:36] Must they also fill the land with violence? Oh your one is waiting feeling what and continually
[00:20:43] Arouse my anger
[00:20:45] Oh
[00:20:45] Fuck this god. Okay, like what is his fucking problem? Like he is he is causing the the
[00:20:52] The violence unless unless we're talking about like the child sacrifice or things like that, right?
[00:20:56] But god is basically saying i'm bringing the violence. I'm bringing the pain. I'm bringing all this and here's another thing like
[00:21:03] um psychology teaches us today that
[00:21:08] When an abusive husband is beating his wife and he tells her why are you making me do this? You're pissing me off
[00:21:15] Yeah, like that is not
[00:21:18] He is not in control of his emotions. She might be doing things that are heinous, but be that as it may
[00:21:27] You get to you know, I'm not saying you get to not be mad. I'm saying you're not controlling your anger
[00:21:33] Correctly, right and only you can do that. Nobody else can do that
[00:21:38] Again, we we touch on the same things a lot
[00:21:40] But like this is a god who is supposed to be all powerful
[00:21:45] And all knowing all the things right and he can't
[00:21:49] He can't even control his anger, right? He can't like there are ways to
[00:21:54] settle disputes that are much better than the way he handles things, right and
[00:21:59] Apparently he's not capable of that
[00:22:02] And that just strikes me as not very godlike
[00:22:05] And we know why this is this is this is a man
[00:22:08] Projecting their flaws into this god right at the time of when it was written
[00:22:13] Which was thousands of years ago, which would be fine if it just ended there
[00:22:17] But no now we're supposed to pretend that this god is perfect and still exists and i'm like
[00:22:23] It's literally not written perfect. It's literally written as a very very very flawed god
[00:22:31] Very flawed the the writing itself is flawed errors galore
[00:22:37] Yeah, like hello, how come god didn't have it recorded correctly the fucking errors, right? Jesus typos whatever
[00:22:45] That's just seriously like they're like this is the word of god and yes
[00:22:49] It was recorded by man, but they were guided by god and i'm like god doesn't know how to make them not have
[00:22:56] Grammatical errors or whatever if it was guided by god. Why wasn't it written right the first time?
[00:23:00] Why did people in different time frames have to go back and edit?
[00:23:04] The fucking bible for these other people that god supposedly
[00:23:09] Inspired to write these words, right? Why were their edits done later if this is the word of god, right?
[00:23:16] It's not a very well done
[00:23:18] Peace right because it is not complete like it should be complete the first time through right right if it's the word of god
[00:23:25] You are you can you can do it flawlessly the first time through you don't need to edit it
[00:23:29] And if you did edit it, it's no longer the word of god exactly so boom there it is
[00:23:34] Yeah, you know
[00:23:36] So god's like must they also fill the land with violence and continually arouse my anger
[00:23:43] That makes me so mad look at them putting the branch to their nose
[00:23:47] Therefore, I will deal with them in anger. I will not look on them with pity or spare them
[00:23:53] Although they shot in my ears. I will not listen to them. Yeah the end turning his back on his people
[00:24:00] Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck
[00:24:03] So that phrase look at them putting the branch to their nose. Yeah, like i was curious about that
[00:24:08] We have no idea what that means there are several different
[00:24:12] Suggestions like it might have been just some kind of gesture that was a common insult back then
[00:24:18] Like, you know today if we said he stuck up his middle finger like a thousand years from now
[00:24:23] They might be what the fuck does that mean whereas today? We know yeah, he's flicking them off
[00:24:27] I mean I I could try to come up with like, you know like the trees
[00:24:31] I know were very important to those people with their other gods
[00:24:34] Yes, so like maybe it was taking in the essence of these other gods as opposed to one of the other suggestions is that they were lifting the branches
[00:24:43] Um to shield themselves from yaoi. Yes, right exactly
[00:24:47] um, there's also another thing that
[00:24:50] um, there's a
[00:24:51] typo maybe and that it says that god is putting the branch to his nose
[00:24:57] In which case, um, he's like blocking his nostril not able to breathe in
[00:25:02] Okay, and so he's like they're pissing me off god damn it
[00:25:05] Right right and maybe maybe the smells are detestable to him because they're they're
[00:25:11] Sacrificing the wrong animals to these other gods and they're burning incense to the other god
[00:25:15] Which is not the correct incense and all that crap, right?
[00:25:17] Right, so I mean there's any number of things that that could mean none of which is like important to the overall story
[00:25:24] Right, right, so but who cares?
[00:25:27] Curiosity's you know, I don't like touching on some of that stuff just because it's it's it's somewhat interesting to be like
[00:25:33] Okay, what was that supposed to mean? You know, right? I mean just sitting by itself
[00:25:37] Like what does that mean and then when you find out like
[00:25:41] Sometimes it's interesting. It's like oh it came from this which came from that and sometimes it's just not really that important
[00:25:47] Exactly, right, right. It's always more interesting when you can trace it back to something like something that we still do to this day
[00:25:55] Day day
[00:25:57] All right, well that was Ezekiel chapter eight sure as fuck was which means that we will be back tomorrow with
[00:26:04] Ezekiel chapter nine. All right, we'll see you then
[00:26:07] Bye
[00:26:15] Hey wife, I guess that's the end but husband. That's just sad
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