Prepare for a humorous exploration of Old Testament prophecies in this episode of our atheist bible study podcast. As proud atheists and skeptics, we take a deep dive into the perplexing prophecy against Egypt in Isaiah Chapter 19. Grab your detective tools as we scrutinize the divine and ponder why God prefers destruction to diplomacy.
With a sense of humor, we make entertaining comparisons between the tribulations of the Egyptians and the voyage of Moana from the renowned animated movie. Prepare to reevaluate your comprehension of divine authority, Egyptian idols, and the growth of Christianity in Egypt through this atheist bible study. We assure you a fast-paced analysis of Isaiah's prophecy, peppered with unexpected pop culture allusions, wit, and a substantial dash of skepticism.
As we challenge the apparently harsh actions attributed to God, we also satirize the influence of the Israelites leaving Egypt on the advent of Christianity in the region. Brace yourself for an episode from our atheist bible study that leaves you with more questions than answers and a more profound understanding of the Old Testament.
Remember, we tackle this from the perspective of two atheists, so prepare for some irreverent, unconventional, and amusing interpretations of biblical narratives. Spoiler alert: anticipate some jabs at God's alpha male image and his subpar communication skills. While we may not believe in God, we certainly have a blast discussing his story in our atheist bible study!
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00:00 - Wife (Host)
Husband wife. So you have said that this is confusing. So if I ask you, do you remember where the hell we are? Is that question even useful?
00:10 - Husband (Host)
I think we are somewhere confusing, okay, so I yeah, no, I mean, we just read Isaiah, chapter 18. Sure fuck this. And they were talking about Egypt and Ethiopia or whatever. Yeah, no, it was Ethiopia and and shit was going wrong there, maybe and and who knows, and there was lots of comparisons to all kinds of shit that didn't make a whole lot of sense.
00:35 - Wife (Host)
So the descriptions of the people Sounded very. It made me very uncomfortable right and I'm I'm looking forward to our Q&A this week because I need to know some Things yeah, I think our Q&A this Saturday will probably be less A Q and more just summaries of these chapters, explaining what the fuck right?
00:58 - Husband (Host)
yeah, cuz it's very, very confusing, yeah, so, that being said, we did chapter 18 last time. We will be getting into what today.
01:07 - Wife (Host)
Isaiah, chapter 19.
01:09 - Husband (Host)
All right, let's go do this.
01:10 - Wife (Host)
Okey-dokey, all right. So, isaiah, confusing as fuck.
01:24 - Husband (Host)
Chapter 19 okay, go all right, ready for this. We don't know, this one's gonna be confusing me, but this one's gonna be clear as fuck.
01:30 - Wife (Host)
Isaiah has been confusing as fuck. That's what I'm just saying this one might be clear, you're right, but it starts out a prophecy against Egypt.
01:39 - Husband (Host)
So now we're on Egypt.
01:40 - Wife (Host)
I'm not holding my breath. Okay and it starts off with my favorite word see, here we go ready. I'm ready see the Lord rides on a swift cloud and has come into Egypt.
01:55 - Husband (Host)
Oh, you're raising a cloud. Now, huh, a swift one. Swift one got it.
01:59 - Wife (Host)
He's a swiftie. The idols of Egypt Trembled before him and the hearts of the Egyptians melt with fear wait, wait.
02:09 - Husband (Host)
I thought idols were just like pieces of stone and metal. They're trembling before him, though.
02:15 - Wife (Host)
They're real gods.
02:17 - Husband (Host)
So they not as big as okay, well, okay.
02:20 - Wife (Host)
Yeah, we've said before that other gods exist in this Bible. All right, they're just not as powerful as all yeah, I guess when they say he's the one true God, what they mean is he's bigger than all the other ones.
02:32 - Husband (Host)
He's expanding, even though he can create the entire universe.
02:35 - Wife (Host)
Mm-hmm.
02:36 - Husband (Host)
He needs to expand his franchise here on earth. Yeah, yeah he's just not quite quite there yet.
02:41 - Wife (Host)
Yeah, he invented everything except that so did some of the others, but I'm not sure what they invented, so I don't know who invented what, but he's trying to take claim for inventing everything, right? I don't think he did no, I don't either. Okay, we got some quote marks here now.
02:58 - Husband (Host)
Yeah.
02:59 - Wife (Host)
I will stir up Egyptian against Egyptian. That's not mean Mm-hmm yeah brother will fight against brother, neighbor against neighbor, city against city, kingdom against kingdom. Egyptians will lose heart. Yeah, and I will bring their plans to nothing. They will consult the idols and the spirits of the dead, the mediums and the spiritists. I will hand the Egyptians over to the power of a cruel master, and a fierce king will rule over them. That's mean yeah, why why are we doing this? Because God's a dick right. Declare the Lord Almighty.
03:37 - Husband (Host)
Hmm, sorry, that was yeah right.
03:40 - Wife (Host)
The waters of the river will dry up and the river bed will be parched and dry hmm, Love to drown people, but I also love to make them go through a solid drought.
03:52
Yeah, good times the canals will stink, the streams of Egypt will dwindle and dry up. The reeds and rushes will wither, also the plants along the Nile, at the mouth of the river. Every sown field along the Nile will become parched, will blow away and be no more. The fishermen will groan and lament. All who cast hooks into the Nile, those who throw nets on the water, will pine away. That happened in Moana.
04:26 - Husband (Host)
Did it, it did. I didn't know that.
04:28 - Wife (Host)
Yeah, in the beginning they were like oh no, king, what's tribal leader guy? This is so sad because our coconuts are drying up and Moana says we'll just plant some new trees over there, away from the bad groves, and they're like this suits you. And then the fishers come and they're like hey, the fishes are not here on this side of the island. And she says okay, let's cast our nets on the other side. And they're like we tried that. And she's like okay, so what about side number three? And they're like no. And she's like side number four I'm running out of sides. And they're like no sides work. And so then she's like how about if we go beyond the reef? And then her dad is like fuck you for not listening, you're grounded. So then she instead gets a boat and goes anyway.
05:15
But anyway they ran out of fishes.
05:18 - Husband (Host)
Okay.
05:19 - Wife (Host)
Their shit dried out. She had to go beyond the reef.
05:22 - Husband (Host)
Okay.
05:23 - Wife (Host)
So these folk got to go beyond the reef.
05:26 - Husband (Host)
I'm gathering them, or pray to the other God.
05:29 - Wife (Host)
Right, sure I mean, she had to go to a God too.
05:31 - Husband (Host)
Yeah. You know she had to go to Maui. Right.
05:35 - Wife (Host)
Yeah, right, and he was like you're welcome. Yeah, those who work with combed. I was trying to say combined, and then it was combed. No, it's combed.
05:47 - Husband (Host)
Okay.
05:48 - Wife (Host)
Those who work with combed flax will despair, but uncombed is fine.
05:54 - Husband (Host)
What is yeah?
05:56 - Wife (Host)
The weavers of fine linen will lose hope, the workers in cloth will be dejected and all the wage earners will be sick at heart.
06:06 - Husband (Host)
This is God doing all this still right? Yeah, because God's mean.
06:09 - Wife (Host)
He's a meanie, meanie, meanie, mean. But the officials of Zoan are nothing but fools. The wise counselors of Pharaoh give senseless advice. How can you say to Pharaoh I am one of the wise men, a disciple of the ancient kings. Where are your wise men now? Let them show you and make known what the Lord Almighty has planned against Egypt.
06:33 - Husband (Host)
Why. I just don't understand why the quote unquote Lord Almighty is planning destruction for all these neighboring countries. Why is he doing this all of a sudden?
06:44 - Wife (Host)
Because they didn't choose him and he's like and he says it's bullshit.
06:48 - Husband (Host)
I'll show you not to choose me and was there a part and maybe I'm misremembering, but was there a part where they were gonna go to war against Israel?
06:55 - Wife (Host)
There was. He was using them as tools.
06:57 - Husband (Host)
Yeah, that's right, because he was using them as tools to fight Israel. Right, yeah. And now?
07:01 - Wife (Host)
he's like and while I'm at it, I'm gonna fuck your shit up too, yeah, but this just all seems so pointless and unnecessary. Cause I'm like you know. I bet, if you just like wrote down on your little fucking cloud and we're like everybody, just you know, praise me like you, then they would.
07:21 - Husband (Host)
If they could literally see you writing on your fast cloud Swift cloud they're. Swift cloud, they might actually believe in you, but no, you gotta hide.
07:29 - Wife (Host)
And then you gotta kill people and then kill them and whatever make them suffer. Yep. The officials of Zohan have become fools. The leaders of Memphis are dead. The cornerstones of her peoples have led Egypt astray. The Lord has poured into them a spirit of dizziness. They make Egypt stagger. And all that she does as a drunkard staggers around in his vomit.
07:56 - Husband (Host)
Oh, that's gross Nasty.
07:59 - Wife (Host)
There is nothing Egypt can do, head or tail, palm branch or reed. In that day, the Egyptians will become weaklings. They will shudder with fear at the uplifted hand that the Lord Almighty raises against them. Okay and the land of Judah will bring terror to the Egyptians. Everyone to whom Judah is mentioned will be terrified Because of what the Lord Almighty is planning against them. In that day, five cities in Egypt will speak the language of Canaan and swear allegiance to the Lord Almighty.
08:38 - Husband (Host)
Wow, just like they're just gonna be like we. We surrender to God and we speak your language. All of a sudden so wow, wait, but of. Canaan? Yeah, why are they speaking the language of Canaan? I thought Canaan. Wouldn't they be speaking Hebrew as Hebrew, or they were referring to Israel as Canaan? I'm a little bit confused here too. I guess a little bit. So. I know that they conquered the Canaanites to take over the land that they currently occupy, but do they refer to their own home as Canaan?
09:12 - Wife (Host)
I couldn't tell you okay. All right, I will have to get back.
09:16 - Husband (Host)
There's another question, I guess, yeah.
09:19 - Wife (Host)
One of them, one of the cities. Yeah will be called the city of the Sun. In that day, there will be an altar to the Lord in the heart of Egypt and a monument to the Lord at its border. It will be a sign and witness to the Lord Almighty in the land of Egypt. When they cry out to the Lord because of their oppressors, he will send them a Savior and defender and he will rescue them.
09:46
Okay so the Lord will make himself known to the Egyptians and in that day they will acknowledge the Lord. They will worship with sacrifices and grain offerings. They will make vows to the Lord and keep them. The Lord Will strike Egypt with a plague. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
10:08 - Husband (Host)
Are they changing over to worshiping the Lord, yeah, or is he killing them with a plague?
10:14 - Wife (Host)
Oh well, let me finish the sentence. Okay the Lord will strike Egypt with a plague. He will strike them and heal them.
10:22 - Husband (Host)
Why?
10:23 - Wife (Host)
okay, they will turn to the Lord and he will respond to their pleas and heal them. Okay he's gonna punish them improving his power. He's gonna punish them with a plague, and then the ones that turn to him.
10:37 - Husband (Host)
He'll be like you're unplayed, I Unplayed you, okay, and you and you, but they were you, they were hypothetically already worshiping him, and now he is giving them the plague so that he can prove that he's powerful.
10:49 - Wife (Host)
Yeah.
10:51 - Husband (Host)
This is this God is so weird.
10:54 - Wife (Host)
He's like why does he care?
10:58 - Husband (Host)
Shouldn't he just feel comfortable in his own shoes, like he? Shouldn't he just feel comfortable in his own skin, right, like I'm good, I'm powerful? I don't need to prove to you that I'm powerful.
11:08 - Wife (Host)
But they didn't have things like mental health back in those days.
11:11 - Husband (Host)
Yeah. They didn't talk about security and alpha males, and you know self confidence, not relying on what other people think of you and if you're being crazed or not, right, but you would think an all perfect, all wonderful, all powerful God would know what the correct way to be mentally would be.
11:30 - Wife (Host)
But that's because he didn't exist and because men of those days invented him.
11:35 - Husband (Host)
No I.
11:36 - Wife (Host)
They invented him in their image and they were primitive and stupid. So their God is primitive and stupid.
11:42 - Husband (Host)
Right, no, I get it, I get it.
11:44 - Wife (Host)
To me, that's the biggest proof that.
11:46 - Husband (Host)
God was invented Right.
11:48 - Wife (Host)
He's exactly not up on the most current mental health and therapeutic resources.
11:55 - Husband (Host)
Right, you would think, yeah, a perfect God would know how.
11:59 - Wife (Host)
To be perfect mentally and You're telling me that a perfect God doesn't know what's in the DSM five Question mark. Question mark. Question mark.
12:12 - Husband (Host)
This is where a Christian would start like arguing with you that that stuff is not correct and obviously God is the only correct answer here.
12:19 - Wife (Host)
So, but I would never be caught in this conversation with them because I don't believe in God in the first place.
12:24 - Husband (Host)
No, no, no, no, no, no I.
12:26 - Wife (Host)
I'm not gonna argue.
12:27 - Husband (Host)
But in the context of our podcast even we treat God as though we're trying to.
12:32 - Wife (Host)
We're pretending for the sake of argument in Canon.
12:36 - Husband (Host)
Yeah.
12:37 - Wife (Host)
It's a real thing in this story world.
12:38 - Husband (Host)
Sure sure. So I'm just saying that in Canon. Someone would argue that God's way is the perfect way, obviously in the DSM five, or is the incorrect way?
12:50 - Wife (Host)
And I would say well, I bet that you are a piece of shit human and you don't know things.
13:00 - Husband (Host)
Right, well, I mean, I think that goes without saying.
13:02 - Wife (Host)
Yeah. Obviously, but I no, you know what, I take that back. I would say you know what? Maybe you're right, and as long as you and the people in your life are happy and you're not treating anyone badly, that's fine. You go ahead and think that, but the second that you start being a sexist piece of shit.
13:26 - Husband (Host)
Right.
13:27 - Wife (Host)
And anti LGBTQ and voting to take away women's autonomy and shit like that, then I don't give a fuck. If you think that the DSM is bad or your God is good, it doesn't fucking matter, because you're taking away the rights of people.
13:47 - Husband (Host)
Well, and that's what I always argue, I'm like it doesn't really matter whether your God is real or not. I definitely 100% don't believe that your God is real. Right, the Christian God, or any God for that matter, does not exist in my opinion. And but if it were to exist, if we're pretending that your God exists?
14:07 - Wife (Host)
He's weak.
14:07 - Husband (Host)
He's a dick, he's dick, he's a dick, and I don't want anything to do with them.
14:11 - Wife (Host)
Alpha male dickless piece of shit.
14:13 - Husband (Host)
Right, and he's petty and he's jealous. And I mean he says he's jealous for God's sake, my name is jealous, right yeah. So he's saying he's all these shitty things, I don't want anything to do with that fucker.
14:26 - Wife (Host)
Right.
14:27 - Husband (Host)
I really don't.
14:28 - Wife (Host)
Exactly, I agree with you. So in that day there will be a highway from Egypt to Assyria. The Assyrians will go to Egypt and the Egyptians to Assyria. You know, as highways do they go both ways. Yeah the Egyptians and Assyrians will worship together. In that day, israel will be the third, along with Egypt and Assyria. A blessing on the earth.
14:53 - Husband (Host)
So there's like they're gonna have like three big strongholds now Egypt, Assyria and in Israel Interesting right. They're like they're. They're talking about building empires here.
15:05 - Wife (Host)
Yeah, or at least religious Empires. Napoleon would like a word the Lord Almighty will bless them, saying blessed be Egypt my people, assyria my handiwork and Israel my inheritance. The end.
15:21 - Husband (Host)
It's very funny to me that they're they're talking about Egypt, because when you think of Egypt, what do you think of with regard to gods?
15:31 - Wife (Host)
I think of their, their weird gods that are not Hades, and and all the you know raw and all that stuff right.
15:39 - Husband (Host)
Yeah, I Don't think of Christianity as any part of Egyptian history Other than, in the beginning, Israelite's leaving there.
15:47 - Wife (Host)
Yeah, you know you know, moses said set my people free, kind of thing. Yeah plagues and all of that right.
15:54 - Husband (Host)
But the Bible is saying and maybe they're what I don't know how much this is actual history or if this is just like. Blowhard bullshit right Right so I mean that that is. Another question I might have from this chapter is how much this is historically true like did it?
16:10 - Wife (Host)
did that at any time? Come to pass right.
16:13 - Husband (Host)
Right. So I am curious about that. But I definitely don't know the Egyptians for their Christianity.
16:20 - Wife (Host)
No, I don't know so.
16:22 - Husband (Host)
I guess we'll just have to find out about that. Yeah all right. Well, that was Isaiah, chapter 19 sure as fuck was and we will be back tomorrow with Isaiah chapter 20. We'll see you guys then bye.
