Welcome to the latest uproarious installment of our biblical critique, where we dive headfirst into the swirling vortex of confusion and carnage that is Jeremiah Chapter 12. Buckle up, non-believers and scripture skeptics, because this episode is a wild ride through the divine dark humor that the Old Testament does so well. We're tearing into the text with the same irreverence and unapologetic candor that you've come to expect, and we promise you'll leave this episode more entertained than a vulture at a plague buffet.
In this gut-busting chapter, we dissect the tantrums of Jeremiah as he grapples with a God who’s more passive-aggressive than a scorned lover on Valentine's Day. If you've ever wanted to witness a prophet have a full-blown existential crisis, you're in the right place. We ponder the pressing question: When both idols and God are giving you the silent treatment, who do you blame for your woes? It's a cosmic coin toss, and Jeremiah is betting it all on red.
Our spirited analysis peeks behind the curtain of "I'm-a-getcha" prophecies and divine threats that sound like they were pulled straight from a mob boss's playbook. We marvel at the supposed omnipotent being who seems to have a penchant for elaborate schemes of punishment, followed by half-hearted promises of redemption. Oh, and let's not forget the delightful image of Jeremiah as the ancient world's most annoying doomsday prepper – it's a character study you didn't know you needed.
We've got all the drama, all the action, and a front-row seat to the heavenly hypocrisy that's more confusing than an IKEA furniture manual. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and enjoy as we tackle the text with the same mix of sarcasm, wit, and scholarly disdain that's made us your go-to source for biblical banter. This is "Jeremiah Chapter 12: A Divine Comedy of Errors" – where the laughs are plentiful, and the logic is scarce.
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and offer up your own sacrificial comments. Because if there's one thing we've learned from Jeremiah, it's that the wrath of our listeners is nothing compared to a day in his sandals. Catch you on the blasphemous side!
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[00:00:00] Hey everyone, husband here.
[00:00:05] And I'm wife.
[00:00:06] If you've been listening to us, then you know we're all about reading the Bible and
[00:00:10] reacting to it on our first read-through.
[00:00:12] Cuss words, crying, laughing, and more.
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[00:00:17] text and simply stating it as we see it.
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[00:00:24] There are two ways you can donate. we're reading the Bible for the very first time. We grew up without religion and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Well, what have we learned so far? That God is a dick and apparently some people believe in talking donkeys? We're not trying to pass ourselves off as experts. Nope, we're just reading the Bible for the first time and giving our first take reaction. If you'd like to join us in this venture, you might consider starting in episode 1.
[00:01:42] Otherwise, jump in wherever you like.
[00:01:44] Alright, let's go read the Bible.
[00:01:46] Yeah, let's hometown hates him. Well, yeah. Because he's a dumbass. Mm-hmm. And he's always crying about the end of the goddamn world. He's a crazy doomsday prepper. Yeah. So that was Isaiah, or no, no, no. Jeremiah. That was Jeremiah. Jesus Christ, I'm never going to get out of Isaiah in my head.
[00:03:00] That was Jeremiah chapter 11.
[00:03:02] Sure as fuck was.
[00:03:04] Which means that today we're getting into.
[00:03:06] Jeremiah chapter 12.
[00:03:07] All right, let we do that. Just a small one. Just a small one. All right. Okay. Can measure it. How do you measure a note? Well, I guess you can. It's way further. But like you could write smaller, you could write larger. So a note could be really any size and it could be short or long or whatever. Sorry, that was too much.
[00:04:20] But yeah, anyway.
[00:04:21] It's way further.
[00:04:22] Short note.
[00:04:23] Okay. Yeah.
[00:04:23] This chapter includes the first of the passages We've asked that question. Yeah, this was a question I've been asked asked and answered sir. Yeah, because I said so I believe I would have told Joe pretty much yeah, that's just they'll get their just punishment later is what I boiled out to trust trust don't worry about it. Right. Why are those happy who deal so
[00:05:40] treacherously? You have planted them. Yes, they have taken root.
[00:06:47] right, right, so he's like I know what's gonna happen, but it doesn't look that way right, so that's my impression I don't know I could be wrong sure
[00:06:49] Pull them out like sheep for the slaughter and prepare them for the day of slaughter
[00:06:55] Damn, he is bloodthirsty. Remember? He's one of us a slaughter a lot remember last chapter though
[00:07:00] He was like dear god. I'm awesome. So can you kill them and God was like yeah?
[00:07:05] Yeah, that's I mean who you. He's being like, I don't have to answer your question. He's doing some tough love here. Yeah. Okay. And if continues God, in the land of peace in which you trusted, they wearyed you, then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan? Damn.
[00:08:22] He's like, you think this is bad. You ain't seen nothing yet. It's stupid. Yeah.
[00:09:25] It started with an eye so I couldn't move past Isaiah and that wasn't right. God.
[00:09:25] Sorry.
[00:09:26] Okay.
[00:09:27] Yeah.
[00:09:28] So he's talking about Israel and he's saying, I have given my dearly beloved into the hands
[00:09:33] of her enemies.
[00:09:34] So I love these people and I'm fucking them up.
[00:09:38] Yeah.
[00:09:39] So you need to trust me that it'll be fine.
[00:09:42] Oh, okay.
[00:09:43] Like, who do you think you are to complain?
[00:09:46] I mean, really.
[00:09:47] I'm just, I don't know. the enmity of other predators. Judah would be set upon by the surrounding nation. Oh, okay. She's just a... She sticks out like a sore thumb. Yes, there you go. There you go. Okay. Bring them to devour. Because God's making them do this. Yeah. This is what God's making happen to them. Right. But what's funny is that he calls them all vultures. Right.
[00:11:01] They're all eating the dead and picking off of each argue. Okay, whatever. Yeah, I know, I agree, I agree. Either way, he's partly responsible at the very least. Yeah, yeah. The plunderers have come on all the desolate heights in the wilderness for the sword of the Lord shall devour from one end of the land to the other end of the land.
[00:12:20] No flesh shall have peace.
[00:12:22] See, and then the sword of the Lord, you know,
[00:12:24] like he's saying that this is God doing this.
[00:12:27] The swordy Lord, the Lordy sword. I'm gonna wipe all y'all fuckers out and kill you all and now he's like but there'll be a remnant Yeah, but he's literally he's literally saying I'm going to fuck them up and then I'm gonna send him back. Yeah, like I'm gonna What it's just it's like he's just he's playing with fucking you know his little plastic Army men, you know and he's just like yeah
[00:13:42] I'm gonna kill these guys and then I'm gonna put him over here and then I'm gonna move back here because that's where I really want him
[00:13:47] We're just a game out to other cultures. Yeah, I read one apologist say see this is proof that This they weren't Racist because it was always about God not the color of their skin. I'm like no no friend It wasn't always like that right. It's just Isaiah and Jeremiah when they started being like I guess we'll allow
[00:15:01] Outsiders in right if they bend the knee hard
[00:16:06] of the podcast. I'm like, I'm so, I'm so tired of all. It's the same shit. Like, yes, they were stitals. God's going to kill them. They're not from his land. They're going to kill them. And like,
[00:16:11] it's just, yeah, he killed like this. There's so much death involved in this book.
[00:16:17] There's only so many different times and ways you could say, I'm a getcha.
[00:16:21] Right. You would think.
[00:16:22] And he's always.
[00:16:24] So many more chapters to go still on this book. I just, I can't, I can't put myself in that world. Like I can't make myself even come close to believing that. Right. So it's hard for me to understand that, but if you did believe this, these words are very strong. They could be scary. They could be very scary, yeah.
[00:17:41] So anyway, that was Jeremiah, Jeremiah, chapter 12.
[00:18:44] course at gmail.com. But before they do that, we could really use some help. Oh yeah, with what?
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