Welcome, fellow heathens and scripture skeptics, to our latest irreverent romp through the Bible, where we tackle the infamous Jeremiah Chapter 13 and its divine fashion faux pas. In this episode, we don't just air out the holy linen; we're talking about God's own dirty laundry – and it's a doozy!
We kick off with a rib-tickling revelation that the Almighty's dress code for prophets includes some snug linen underwear, and not the holy robe you were expecting. Oh, and God's not into laundry days, apparently. We're left scratching our heads and chuckling at the symbolism behind Jeremiah's commanded attire – is the Big Guy upstairs dishing out spiritual lessons or just taking us on a prank run?
Get ready to swap somber for snickers as we delve into translation hijinks that transform ancient prophecies into a comedy sketch. Who knew the Bible could be such a hoot when you replace 'sash' with 'underwear' and God's wrath turns into an episode of celestial 'What Not to Wear'?
But wait, there's more! As your snarky guides, we also tackle the darker side of the divine narrative, poking holes in the uncomfortable themes of punishment and victim-blaming that still echo in today's justice system. It's a no-holds-barred critique where we call out the Almighty for some questionable disciplinary tactics – because let's face it, smiting and shaming just don't make for good modern-day policy.
Buckle up for a rollercoaster ride through prophecy, where laughter meets lamentation, and sacred writings get the roast they never saw coming. Join us for this episode of "Jeremiah Chapter 13" – where humor is our holy grail, and we're not afraid to use it. Don't forget to hit subscribe for your weekly dose of divine disbelief, served up with a side of sass.
And remember, whether you're a bible buff or a skeptic in search of a chuckle, we're here to provide an unapologetically irreverent look at scripture. So grab your headphones and let's get blasphemous!
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[00:00:00] Hey everyone, Husband here.
[00:00:05] And I'm Wife.
[00:00:06] If you've been listening to us, then you know we're all about reading the Bible and
[00:00:09] reacting to it on our first read through.
[00:00:12] Cuss words, crying, laughing, and more.
[00:00:14] We're passionate about creating a podcast that takes the sanctity out of the sacred
[00:00:17] text and simply stating it as we see it.
[00:00:19] But we can't do it without your help.
[00:00:21] We're asking for your support to help us keep this podcast going.
[00:00:24] There are two ways you can donate. we're reading the Bible for the very first time. We grew up without religion and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Well, what have we learned so far? That God is a dick and apparently some people believe in talking donkeys. We're not trying to pass ourselves off as experts. Nope, we're just reading the Bible for the first time and giving our first take reaction. If you'd like to join us in this venture, you might consider starting at episode one.
[00:01:42] Otherwise, jump in wherever you like. Alright, let's go read the Bible. Yeah,
[00:01:46] let's get much it. Yeah, no. And that was Isaiah chapter 12. Sure as fuck was. Which means that today we're getting into. Jeremiah chapter 13. Okay, you ready to do this? Yes. Let's do it. Okey dokey Amanda H. Who asked, when you reach Jeremiah chapter 13, which is where we are today. It is. Please consider using the Holman Christian Standard Version. It may be just as funny using whichever version you're reading now, but the translation of the Holman will lead to a lot of laughter and I just can't wait.
[00:04:22] And at first I was prepared to just like,
[00:04:24] oh, that's cute, you know,
[00:04:26] thanks for reaching out, blah, blah, blah. but do not put it in water. So I got a sash according to the word of the Lord, and I put it around my waist. Okay. And the word of the Lord came to me the second time saying, take that sash that you acquired which is around your waist, but not put in water, and arise. Go to the Euphrates and hide it there in a hole in the rock. What? So I went and hid it by the Euphrates
[00:05:43] as the Lord commanded me. Okay. Now it came to pass after many days that the Lord said to me says the Lord. That static cling. That they may then become my people for renown, for praise and for glory, but they would not hear. Okay. Okay. Now I'm gonna stop there. There's more of that chapter, but that. This is the section you wanna reread in the different. Yes. In the different version. Correct, correct.
[00:07:00] All right, so we are now reading
[00:07:01] from the Holman Christian Standard Bible,
[00:07:05] Jeremiah chapter 13.
[00:07:06] Okay. and dug up the underwear and I got it from the place where I had hidden it but it was ruined! My underwear were ruined of no use at all! Fucking hell, my britches are soiled. I don't put it in your soiled britches. You made me spit. I mean, that is ruined underwear. Yeah. How do you...
[00:08:20] I think he already ruined the underwear and he was just hiding it and then, you know...
[00:08:24] He peed his pants and he was like, shit!
[00:08:27] And then he blamed it on God afterwards.
[00:08:28] Yeah.
[00:08:29] That's what happened. I want to worship this guy. So that they might be my people for my fame praise and glory, but they would not obey. All right, so that was all that I'm gonna read from a hulman, but Amanda H had it right. That was funny as hell. Yeah. All right, so carrying on now that we got our underwear. By
[00:09:40] the way, I did do a little bit of research All not pity nor spare nor have mercy. He's, he's just. But will fucking destroy them. Gonna bash them against each other? Yeah. That is, that's man. Yeah, he is. That's rough. He is a violent God.
[00:11:00] Yeah, that's not, that's like you can,
[00:11:02] you had the wine, right?
[00:11:04] Yeah.
[00:11:05] You can just like make them die of alcohol poisoning
[00:11:07] or something, right?
[00:11:08] No, he is gonna get him drunk Pride my eyes will weep bitterly and run down with tears because the Lord's flock has been taken captive So he's like I'm gonna cry even as I'm fucking crushing your skulls in yeah He always he's always real sad about the fact that he has to kill us It's like the dad that's about it to take his belt to you and says this hurts me more than it hurts you
[00:12:23] I hate that line. Oh, no, it doesn. I apologize. Yeah, no, I just, I was trying, I was clarifying. I wasn't arguing. I just trying to, you didn't say if they were, I was just clarifying. Yeah, no, you're right. They are a part of Israel slash Judah. Yes, you were right. I was wrong. Got it. Sorry. Okay. It shall be holy blah, blah, blah. Okay. Anyway, he's telling them y'all need to humble yourselves.
[00:13:40] Bend the fucking knee.
[00:13:41] Got it.
[00:13:42] Okay.
[00:13:43] Lift up your eyes and see those who come from the north.
[00:13:45] Where is the flock that was given to you?
[00:13:47] Your beautiful sheep. parts to everybody to use. Got it. Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots? Then may you also do good who are accustomed to do evil. Therefore I will scatter them like stubble that passes away by the wind of the wilderness. This is your lot, the portion of
[00:15:02] your measures from me, says the Lord, he wants them to do and and because they're not recognizing him and
[00:16:23] Instead of speaking up to everybody he's speaking up to his prophets Jeremiah I can hump whomever I please as often and as many times and as many ways as I wish. That's a choice. That's a choice. The second someone does something to my body against my will, that has nothing to do with what came before. I should be able to walk naked anywhere.
[00:17:40] I'm not saying I want to.
[00:17:42] I mean technically you can.
[00:17:44] No. his wishes and his laws. I mean to react the way that he says he is reacting is unacceptable. Yeah, it's completely unacceptable. I mean somebody in our discord said that they when they came out as atheist that they got blamed for something that happened to one of their family members and
[00:19:03] that that is why what happened to the family member happened because
[00:20:02] Hey wife, I guess that's the end? But husband, that's just sad.
[00:20:05] It doesn't have to be.
[00:20:06] We are on lots of social media platforms like Twitter.
[00:20:08] Our handle there is sacrallegis underscore d.
[00:20:10] For D's nuts.
[00:20:12] Oh my god.
[00:20:13] Stop doing that.
[00:20:14] Anyway, we're also on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
[00:20:17] There's a link to all of our social media sites at our website.
[00:20:20] Oh, we have a website?
[00:20:21] Yeah, it's sacrallegisdiscourse.com where you can also find a link to our merch shop.
[00:20:26] We have a merch shop?
[00:20:27] Yep.
