In this irreverently hilarious episode of our podcast, we take a divine deep-dive into the bewildering world of Jeremiah Chapter 14. Brace yourself for a biblical rollercoaster ride as we skewer the almighty's penchant for parched punishments and prophetical pettiness. Prepare to laugh (and maybe cry a little) as we tackle the Almighty's questionable methods of communication—spoiler alert: it involves a serious lack of hydration and a bizarre obsession with underwear.
Join us as we explore the dizzying logic of a deity who uses droughts as a metaphor for spiritual thirst and the downright comedic confusion caused by competing prophets spewing opposite predictions. Can't tell your true prophet from your false one? No worries, neither could the Israelites, and we're here to mock the whole divine mess.
But wait, there's more! Ever heard of a god who tells his mouthpiece not to pray for the very people he's supposed to guide? We'll break down the twisted logic and throw in our two cents on the insanity of expecting people to follow rules when the rulebook is as clear as mud after a heavenly-induced drought.
If you think that's all, think again! Our podcast isn't just about pointing out the absurdities of ancient texts. It's a Tuesday night party in our Discord chats, where the community's wit is sharper than the Sword of Damocles that apparently hangs over anyone who dares to plant a different god's idol on their mantelpiece.
So grab your beverage of choice (non-alcoholic, please; we're in a drought), cozy up, and prepare to be entertained. Whether you're a die-hard atheist, a casual skeptic, or just someone who enjoys a good biblical facepalm, this episode on Jeremiah Chapter 14 is your ticket to enlightenment—sans the smiting.
And remember, whether you're Team Prophecy or Team Sanity, in our book, every listener is a winner. Just don't expect to be raptured anytime soon; we're all too busy enjoying the absurdity of ancient predictions gone awry. Tune in, laugh out loud, and maybe learn a thing or two about ancient texts that still manage to baffle and amuse thousands of years later.
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[00:00:00] Hey everyone, Husband here.
[00:00:05] And I'm Wife.
[00:00:06] If you've been listening to us, then you know we're all about reading the Bible and
[00:00:09] reacting to it on our first read through.
[00:00:12] Cuss words, crying, laughing, and more.
[00:00:14] We're passionate about creating a podcast that takes the sanctity out of the sacred
[00:00:17] text and simply stating it as we see it.
[00:00:19] But we can't do it without your help.
[00:00:21] We're asking for your support to help us keep this podcast going.
[00:00:24] There are two ways you can donate. we're reading the Bible for the very first time. We grew up without religion and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Well, what have we learned so far? That God is a dick and apparently some people believe in talking donkeys. We're not trying to pass ourselves off as experts. Nope, we're just reading the Bible for the first time and giving our first take reaction. If you'd like to join us in this venture, you might consider starting at episode one.
[00:01:42] Otherwise, jump in wherever you like. Alright, let's go read the Bible. Yeah,
[00:01:46] let's get this Okey-dokey occurred during a time of either sustained drought or repeated drought. And that was a thing that happened there and then. Yeah, it still does, I think. Right. You know, it's a very arid, you know, area. Right, so it's not that he was specifically causing the drought as a punishment, he's just saying, so this is happening. Right, right.
[00:04:20] And a drought is at the same time.
[00:04:23] Yes.
[00:04:24] And I think we've mentioned before that the irony the droughts. Judah mourns and her gates languish. They mourn for the land and the cry of Jerusalem has gone up. Their nobles have sent their lads for water. They went to the cisterns and found no water. They returned with their vessels empty. They were ashamed and confounded and covered their
[00:05:42] heads. Wait, wait, wait, wait. They were you go. Anyway, God is speaking because the ground is parched for there was no rain in the land. The plowmen were ashamed. They covered their heads. Yes, the deer also gave birth in the field but left because there was no grass.
[00:07:01] And the wild donkey stood in the desolate heights.
[00:07:04] They sniffed at the wind like jackals. like whatever, kill all the animals, God gave them to us to kill. Right, right. Okay, so now Jeremiah is talking again and he's like, oh, this sucks. He goes, oh, Lord, though our iniquities testify against us, do it for your name's sake to deal with it himself Probably like yeah, there's gonna be people coming at him with war or he's got to deal with drought But these things are right there in front of him and he's like, uh, and if he believes in God, he's saying Well, I don't want these things and I mean obviously
[00:09:42] Right
[00:10:42] He's left him before. And he said he's gonna.
[00:10:43] Yeah, and he doesn't seem to have a problem with us
[00:10:45] leaving you guys.
[00:10:46] Right, right.
[00:10:48] Thus says the Lord to this people,
[00:10:51] so this is God speaking again.
[00:10:53] Sure.
[00:10:54] Thus they have loved to wander.
[00:10:55] They have not restrained their feet.
[00:10:58] Therefore the Lord does not accept them.
[00:11:00] Says the guy who sent them through fucking 40 years
[00:11:03] of walking and wandering in the goddamn desert.
[00:11:07] Right, but now what he my lesson. And the lesson that I learned is, God's a dick, don't bother. You know, I guess the moral of the story really is that if you kill enough people, eventually the only people left are the ones that are going to believe in you. Right. So. Then I, Jeremiah, said, Oh, Lord God, behold, the prophets say to them, you shall not see
[00:12:22] the sword, nor shall you have famine, but I will pour their wickedness on them says Jeremiah the fucking prophet I mean I this is what God is saying to Jeremiah right right yeah I mean that's what they're still relying on Jeremiah to tell them that
[00:13:40] this is the correct way yeah and these are the correct things he's like I try
[00:13:44] to ask him but he's like no you're saying that it's okay to bring your idols into the temple or your it's okay to have your share of poles obviously they're speaking falsely right right sure um but again i don't i don't think he's been real forceful with the general
[00:15:01] populace of israel with regard to these things because they obviously have not discarded them fear because I don't believe in that. Right. So your aura else has no impact. Imagine if one in four people thought that a red light meant go. Exactly. You know, like how does that work out? It doesn't fucking work. It doesn't work. At all. Yeah. Yeah. That would be tragedy. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Like you cannot have people thinking one thing versus another thing.
[00:16:24] You know, it's not the actual interpretation that we have today is because those people didn't survive.
[00:17:40] Right.
[00:17:41] They died off, they got killed, they got conquered,
[00:17:44] they got swallowed up by other cultures. other idols and gods. Right? Like literally God equated that to a hordom. Yeah. That makes the Israelites not a virgin daughter. Right. Well, I maybe they're speaking of a of an idealistic version that God wants to happen. Okay. You know what I mean? Like the the way that God wants to see. Except that they have
[00:19:02] never been that way through history. Right. Yeah. And it's funny to me though, but like a lot of the major players in the Bible see these tragedies happening and they question God, right? Like early on,
[00:20:20] that was not even a remote thing that you would even want to even think about doing.
[00:20:24] Right. Right. Back in like the... Although Moses did argue with him a little bit. Never ever. There's never a good answer for killing fuck tons of people. He's like because I am and we're like oh yeah your name is I am okay okay that tracks. Right. So Jeremiah is praying to God do not abhor us for your name's sake do not disgrace the throne of your glory.
[00:21:42] That is a big statement to me. Yeah yeah. Remember do not break your covenant with us.
[00:22:45] of the same stuff that we would ask, you know, like why is this happening? Why would this happen? And it seems like easy questions to come up with, right? But oftentimes in the
[00:22:53] books they don't come up with those questions and they're just going on about the god shit
[00:22:57] and the god shit and the god shit over and over and over again, right? But every once
[00:23:02] in a while, every once in a while they say something on our live podcast and see everybody rattle off all the things that are sacrilegious game if you know what I mean. Yeah All right. Well anyway that way I just had to mention that before we signed off here today Which leads us to also say you should really be joining us on Tuesday nights in the discord
[00:25:45] Yeah, they are at 10 Eastern and on Tuesday know anything about YA novels we need some help so you know you should hop on the live and help us out. Oh my god I'm gonna punch you in the wiener. If you know you know. If you know you know. Alright guys that was Jeremiah chapter 14. Sure as fuck was. Which means that we'll be back tomorrow with Jeremiah chapter 15. Alright we'll see you guys then. Bye!
