Get ready to be smote with logic as your blasphemous hosts dive into the latest installment of Bible-busting shenanigans with Jeremiah Chapter 5 – where God plays the celestial dictator card, and we call his bluff. Join us for a sacrilegious journey through a chapter so steeped in divine retribution, it'll make the Spanish Inquisition look like a game of Uno.
In this episode, we'll expose the almighty's penchant for overkill as he threatens more smiting than a temper tantrum-prone deity should ever be allowed. Our audacious hosts, armed with irreverence and insight, take on the Big Guy upstairs, who seems to have his holy knickers in a twist. We ask the tough questions, like: When is a God not a God? (Hint: When he's behaving like a petulant child throwing a cosmic fit.)
We'll also tackle the absurdity of God's criteria for righteousness – where the bar is so low, even a limbo champion couldn't shimmy under it. Plus, we give a sarcastic slow clap to the divine plan of sending wild animals as the messengers of punishment. Because, of course, when you have omnipotent power, the best way to show it is by playing Noah's Ark in reverse.
So, buckle up for an episode packed with more snark than a teenager's Twitter feed, as we bring you a godless gaze into the absurdities of ancient texts. Whether you're a non-believer, a skeptic, or just in it for the hellfire insurance, you won't want to miss this episode. And remember, this isn't your Sunday school teacher's podcast – it's the one they warned you about.
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[00:00.000 --> 00:30.000] Hey everyone, Husband here. And I'm Wife. If you've been listening to us, then you know we're all about reading the Bible and reacting to it on our first read-through, Cuss Words Crying, Laughing & More. We're passionate about creating a podcast that takes the sanctity out of the sacred text and simply stating it as we see it. But we can't do it without your help. We're asking for your support to help us keep this podcast going. There are two ways you can donate. Text Sactus. That's S-A-C-D-I-S.
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[01:00.000 --> 01:15.920] Or sign up for our Patreon page at patreon.com forward slash Sacrilegious Discourse.
[01:15.920 --> 01:22.120] Welcome to Sacrilegious Discourse. I'm husband. And I'm wife. Together we're reading the Bible for the very first time.
[01:22.120 --> 01:25.960] We grew up without religion and wanted to know what all the fuss was about.
[01:25.960 --> 01:32.200] Well, what have we learned so far? That God is a dick. And apparently some people believe in talking donkeys.
[01:32.200 --> 01:38.720] We're not trying to pass ourselves off as experts. Nope. We're just reading the Bible for the first time and giving our first take reaction.
[01:38.720 --> 01:44.520] If you'd like to join us in this venture, you might consider starting in episode one. Otherwise, jump in wherever you like.
[01:44.520 --> 01:47.480] Alright, let's go read the Bible. Yeah, let's get to it.
[01:47.480 --> 01:57.800] Husband wife. Do you remember what we literally just talked about because we recorded the last one late, but now we're back on track?
[01:57.800 --> 02:07.000] I do. God, God's going to kill them all. I mean, essentially, you know, he's going to bring in that northern whatever and they're going to kill most of them.
[02:07.000 --> 02:13.280] They might leave a little bit of a remnant left of them somewhere. But essentially, he's like, fuck y'all, y'all got to die.
[02:13.360 --> 02:21.440] Pretty much, yeah. That was basically where we left off, I think. Jeremiah chapter four sounds like God to me that we read about so far.
[02:21.440 --> 02:26.520] Yep, that tracks. Yeah, they were trying to pretend like he was all nice and shit for a while, like kind of back and forth.
[02:26.520 --> 02:31.920] For a minute. Yeah. But now they're like, no, he's just gonna fuck him all up. Yep. And I'm like, yep.
[02:31.920 --> 02:40.000] I'm gonna get you. That's the way that goes. He coming. Right. Before we get into what we're doing today, we do have another shout out today to do.
[02:40.560 --> 02:54.080] Yeah. So we have a new patron. Their name is Dale L. Dale. Yeah. Thank you, Dale. Yeah. Thank you so much, Dale. I even believe I've talked to them before on Twitter, maybe.
[02:54.080 --> 03:04.320] I think they were doing like a hike thing in the Appalachian Trail or something. I hope I have the right person. But if not, regardless, thank you so much, Dale, for your sport.
[03:04.400 --> 03:13.000] Literally, you are helping us do what we do. Yes. Yes. And we could not do this without everybody's support that is supporting us.
[03:13.000 --> 03:21.680] Yeah, it's definitely amazing and something that we absolutely need to keep doing what we're doing because there are a lot of costs for us involved in this.
[03:21.680 --> 03:31.880] And it does help us out tremendously when you guys contribute. So we're so grateful. Thank you, Dale. Definitely. All right, that being said, today, what are we getting into?
[03:32.280 --> 03:48.080] We did Jeremiah chapter four. Right. Yes. Sorry. I was I was thrown off a little bit. I know. I know. Yeah, we did chapter four. And now we're doing now we're doing Jeremiah chapter five. All right, you ready to do this? Okey dokey. Let's do it.
[03:48.080 --> 03:51.680] Talk about throwing you off. Right. You off. Yes. All right. Let's do it.
[04:02.880 --> 04:11.080] Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.
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[04:35.880 --> 04:48.880] Alrighty then. Let's get into Jeremiah chapter five. Okay. Go up and down and down the streets of Jerusalem. Okay. Look around. I'm looking look up, look up and look down.
[04:49.880 --> 04:53.880] And consider search through her squares.
[04:56.880 --> 05:03.880] And that is proof that you can make anything sound dirty. Right. Like I just want to walk up to somebody and be like nice squares.
[05:05.880 --> 05:11.880] If you can find but one person who deals honestly and seeks the truth, I'll forgive this city.
[05:12.880 --> 05:20.880] Just one person sounds like it's that whole if I could find one righteous man. Yeah, remember they did the same thing in Sodom and Gomorrah, right? Yeah.
[05:21.880 --> 05:29.880] Yeah. Can we find one righteous man, even one? Do you know what? It sounds like absolute bullshit to me. Let me see because I'm sorry, but there is.
[05:30.880 --> 05:43.880] And then the qualifying thing here is what do you consider righteous? Again, do they have to fear you and only worship you and it doesn't matter whether they're a good person, right? I bet there's a good person in Jerusalem.
[05:44.880 --> 05:52.880] I bet you're right. I bet there's a really good fucking person. But that doesn't matter to God because God wants you to fear him and worship him only.
[05:53.880 --> 06:02.880] Yeah, that's the most important part. Right. Yeah. Whether or not they murder people, whether they're petals, whether they run over kittens with their horse carts, we don't care about that.
[06:03.880 --> 06:09.880] Do they fear Yahweh? Right. Do they? Okay, then they win. Yeah. What? Right.
[06:10.880 --> 06:19.880] Although they say, as surely as the Lord lives, still they are swearing falsely. Okay. Were they taking the Lord's name in vain?
[06:20.880 --> 06:31.880] No, they're swearing. They're saying that they're saying that they surely as the Lord lives, they believe in all this.
[06:32.880 --> 06:37.880] Bloody blah, blah, blah. Got it. But they're saying they're lying. Okay. Okay.
[06:38.880 --> 06:46.880] Lord, do not your eyes look for truth? I hate the way that sentence was phrased. That was hell on my dyslexia.
[06:47.880 --> 07:05.880] I had to use my finger with each word. Yeah. Lord, do not your eyes look for truth? You struck them, but they felt no pain. You crushed them, but they refused correction. They made their faces harder than stone and refused to repent.
[07:06.880 --> 07:14.880] Sounds like they're not very scared of you, dude. Sounds like they don't even hardly know you. That's what I was thinking like. Do they remember your name? Right.
[07:15.880 --> 07:34.880] That's why he's like, what's my name, bitch? I thought these are only the poor. They are foolish for they do not know the way of the Lord, the requirements of their God. So I'll go to the leaders and speak to them. Surely they know the way of the Lord, the requirements of their God. Okay.
[07:34.880 --> 07:44.880] Oh, but with one accord, they too had broken off the yoke and turned off the bonds. Them, them weird dumbbells. Okay.
[07:44.880 --> 07:57.880] Them, them baddiebads. Yeah. Yeah. Therefore, a lion from the forest will attack them. Boom. A wolf from the desert will ravage them. Ha. A leopard will lie and wait near their towns to tear to pieces. Any who venture out.
[07:58.880 --> 08:00.880] Such a peaceful loving God. I know, right? Yeah.
[08:00.880 --> 08:12.880] For their rebellion is great. And their backsliding's many. What dicks. I mean, right? Like, wow. This is just such trash. I hate it. It really is.
[08:13.880 --> 08:21.880] Why should I forgive you? Your children have forsaken me and sworn by gods that are not gods. When is a God not a God?
[08:22.880 --> 08:40.880] I don't know what what? I mean, when is a God not a God? I don't understand the premise of the question because you just literally said it's a God. And so it's a God because you said it's a God. When is a God? You know, when is a thing that is a God not a thing that is a God?
[08:40.880 --> 08:48.880] When the Bible says so. That makes no fucking sense. The question is flawed. Like, when is a shirt, not a shirt? A shirt is always a shirt.
[08:48.880 --> 09:00.880] You know, stupid question. I supplied all their needs, yet they committed adultery and thronged to the houses of prostitutes. He says he, he says he's supplied all their needs.
[09:00.880 --> 09:06.880] But did he though? But it doesn't, it doesn't, I don't, I'm not getting that impression. I'm not either. It's not how I feel about the situation.
[09:06.880 --> 09:12.880] I'm betting they don't feel that way either. I bet you're right. Remember when he threw birds at the people in the desert.
[09:12.880 --> 09:17.880] But I mean, more than that, he's like, we just talked about him. He's going to kill him. And he's done that multiple times.
[09:17.880 --> 09:22.880] Uh huh. Like, this is not something new. He constantly punishes them.
[09:22.880 --> 09:26.880] Yeah, yeah. He's mean. He's a dick. He's not a good father.
[09:26.880 --> 09:40.880] I mean, look, he, they just watched the Northern tribes get punished. You know, like, they saw, like, why, why would you think that your God was on your side if your friends and family that live in the Northern tribes just got fucked over?
[09:41.880 --> 09:50.880] Um, I wouldn't. Right. I would go ahead and have a sex as well. Kind of fucking screwy man. I'm going to go ahead and wear all of my makeup and I'm going to go fuck a prostitute.
[09:50.880 --> 10:02.880] Right. They are well fed, lusty stallions, each name for another man's wife. Should I not punish them for this? Declares the Lord.
[10:03.880 --> 10:21.880] If your punishment is death, then no, you should not. Right. Right. Should I not avenge myself on such a nation as this? No, you, you shouldn't let them fuck and stuff. Yeah. Like, that is killing is so much worse than the things that you're punishing them for.
[10:21.880 --> 10:30.880] I mean, and that's what you're playing on doing. Here's the thing. You're saying that they're doing a lot of fucking. You're not telling me they are killing children though. Right.
[10:30.880 --> 10:41.880] If you were spelling that out, like I've had to go to the notes for that. You know what I mean? Sure. And this is just talking about how they're worshiping other gods and doing sex. Right.
[10:41.880 --> 10:59.880] Um, no, you should not murder them. Right. Now, if they are killing children, yeah, murder them, whatever. Right. Sure. You know, I don't give a fuck. Kill them. Yeah. People that murder kids. Right. No, I'm totally with you there. I'm, I only hesitate because I'm not a fan of the, you know,
[10:59.880 --> 11:16.880] of a corporal punishment. Right. So, but I don't know. They're like publicly murdering kids. No, look, I'm with you, but like also this time frame, it was very barbaric and not the whole thing is dumb and weird.
[11:16.880 --> 11:25.880] Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what to say about it. Even Yahweh, even the worship of Yahweh was somewhat barbaric. Yes. Oh, absolutely. It still is.
[11:25.880 --> 11:43.880] Well, not as much so, but still. Yeah. Right. Go through her vineyards and ravage them, but do not destroy them completely. Strip off her branches for these people. Do not belong to the Lord, the people of Israel and the people of Judah have been utterly unfaithful to me, declares the Lord.
[11:43.880 --> 11:53.880] They have lied about the Lord. They said, he will do nothing. No harm will come to us. We will never see sword or famine. The prophets are but wind and the word is not in them.
[11:53.880 --> 12:09.880] So let what they say be done to them. Wait, what? That was God talking, wasn't it? You know what? There weren't quote marks, but yeah, I feel like I feel like no harm will come to us.
[12:09.880 --> 12:19.880] We will never see sword or famine. I feel like that was the end of the people talking. Right. And then I feel like then now God's talking, but there weren't quote marks to indicate that.
[12:19.880 --> 12:30.880] Okay, now I'm God. The prophets are but wind and the word is not in them. So let what they say be done to them. Got it. Right. Okay. Sounds sounds more correct in my head. Yeah, me too.
[12:30.880 --> 12:43.880] But therefore, this is what the Lord God Almighty says, because the people have spoken these words, I'll make my words in your mouth of fire and these people, the wood it consumes dying.
[12:44.880 --> 12:53.880] People of Israel declares the Lord, I'm bringing a distant nation against you because he can't do it himself. Yeah, here it comes over there.
[12:53.880 --> 13:06.880] An ancient and enduring nation, a people whose language you do not know whose speech you do not understand their quivers are like an open grave. All of them are mighty warriors.
[13:07.880 --> 13:29.880] He's really pitching these guys. He's like, he's kind of like someone sounds like. Yeah, I know. They will devour your harvest and food devour your sons and daughters. They will devour your flocks and herds devour your vines and fig trees with the sword. They will destroy the fortified cities in which you trust.
[13:30.880 --> 13:38.880] You know what I'm hearing here? I'm hearing that this group of people that are coming to destroy them, they have their shit together way more than the fucking Israelites.
[13:38.880 --> 13:46.880] Yeah, that's what I sound like. So, I mean, what would be the incentive to keep believing in God when they've got their shit together more? Right. Doesn't it sound like they're gods better than your God?
[13:46.880 --> 13:58.880] It really does. If we're going for like a comparison here, for like apples to apples, they're conquering you. You're not conquering them. So your God failed.
[13:58.880 --> 14:14.880] Yeah. And if I'm sure they have a God too, sounds like they're God's winning. I mean, that's the one I would go for. If I have to pick one. Right. And I just, I don't buy it that God gets to claim all these other God's peoples, like these other people that have different gods.
[14:14.880 --> 14:27.880] I don't, I don't buy that he gets to claim their victories because he wants to destroy his own people. Yeah, that's that's bullshit. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Like, no, if we're going to say God's are real, you didn't just say God's are real.
[14:27.880 --> 14:41.880] You didn't just use those gods. This is where we say fail. Right. You didn't win. That's what happened. Yeah. And you're trying to like do a Republican spin.
[14:41.880 --> 14:52.880] Yet even in those days declares the Lord, I will not destroy you completely. Of course not. And when the people ask, why has the Lord our God done all this to us?
[14:52.880 --> 15:12.880] And tell them, as you up forsaken me and serve foreign gods in your own land. So now you will serve foreigners in a land, not your own. That's kind of interesting. He's like, you want to serve their gods? Fine. Now go serve their people too. Right. Right. Thanks for that though, God. Appreciate you making me slave and stuff. That's awesome.
[15:12.880 --> 15:21.880] Right. Yeah. It's good times. Yeah. My kids will appreciate it too. You know, I was going to worship you, but now I just decided I'm not.
[15:21.880 --> 15:26.880] Right. Yeah. Yeah. This is the point where we say fuck off and go away. Yeah. Yeah.
[15:26.880 --> 15:39.880] Announce this to the descendants of Jacob and proclaim it in Judah. Hear this. Yeah, foolish and senseless people who have eyes, but do not see who have ears, but do not hear.
[15:39.880 --> 15:49.880] Should you not fear me? Declares the Lord. Should you not tremble in my presence? I made the sand a boundary for the sea.
[15:50.880 --> 16:18.880] Oh, okay. No, that was that was erosion. That was that was science happened. Right. Right. And everlasting barrier. It cannot cross. But the thing is that over time, the iconic plates shift. They didn't science very well back then. No, God also doesn't seem to have any concept of science. So yeah, the waves may roll, but they cannot prevail. That's not true though. Right. They may roar, but they cannot cross.
[16:19.880 --> 16:47.880] Also tsunamis, you know, that's what I'm saying. Like you're wrong, though. You're wrong. Yeah. Clearly, it didn't happen in that part of the world, but it happens. Right. And you just don't know the planet. So you're not God or you're not a very good big one. Right. But these people have stubborn and rebellious hearts. They have turned the side and gone away. They do not say to themselves.
[16:47.880 --> 17:14.880] Let us fear the Lord, our God, who gives autumn and spring rains and season, who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest. Okay. All right. I mean, that's what this. Yeah. Okay. This claiming, like when God, it's really disturbing to me when God claims seasons and science and things like that as part of his, his knowledge, because he doesn't do it correctly, because he doesn't understand it.
[17:14.880 --> 17:32.880] Because he's not real right. Yeah. But it makes it sound so wrong and fake. Right. Like I can't possibly jump on board with this, because it's so obvious that it disqualifies you.
[17:32.880 --> 17:43.880] It's obvious because it was written by people who didn't understand science, not inspired by God, not told by God. No one told you if God was telling you this, he'd tell you the answer.
[17:43.880 --> 17:59.880] The actual thing that happened. Right. But he didn't. Right. Because he would say stuff like, you know, you can't see this part of the planet right now, but one day your progeny will sail across the ocean and blood. Like he would use these future terms.
[17:59.880 --> 18:12.880] Right. Yeah. Talk about a prophecy, right? Right. That would be a fucking hell of a prophecy. One day you will fly in the skies. Yeah. One day, as many as the stars are in the sky, you will fly among them and land
[18:12.880 --> 18:25.880] on the rocks up there that, you know, are beyond your grasp. Like I'm adding poetry to space, but like that kind of shit, that would be something that a God would actually say, I think.
[18:25.880 --> 18:35.880] That would be a prophet. That would be a prophecy that would be interested in. Yeah. That would make sense that would tie through some of the relevance of the Bible, right?
[18:35.880 --> 18:50.880] I'm not saying that it would make a God be real, but it would at least lend some credibility to his claim. Right. Like this guy has no credibility with me, and every single book of the Bible, he loses it even more.
[18:51.880 --> 19:02.880] And because every bit of possible scientific understanding that is said throughout the Bible is based on just the rudimentary understandings of the people that lived at that time.
[19:02.880 --> 19:15.880] In that particular exact location. Right. And it just doesn't hold any weight today. It's so childish. I'm sorry. I know I use that word, but it's just so silly. Right. And I can't with this nonsense. Yeah.
[19:15.880 --> 19:28.880] You're wrongdoings have kept these away. Your sins have deprived you of good. Among my people are the wicked who lie in wait, like men who snare birds and like those who set traps to catch people.
[19:28.880 --> 19:41.880] What kind of who sets traps to catch people? I'm not good people. Okay. Yeah, I don't know. Like cages full of birds. Their houses are full of deceit.
[19:42.880 --> 19:57.880] They have become rich and powerful and have grown fat and sleek. Their evil deeds have no limit. They do not seek justice. They do not promote the case of the fatherless. They do not defend the just cause of the poor.
[19:57.880 --> 20:07.880] And you think that killing them all that does that does promote those things? Here's the thing though. I mean the Christians today don't do that either. Right.
[20:07.880 --> 20:22.880] It doesn't seem like your people have improved very much over time. If we're being honest. Should I not punish them for this? Declares the Lord. Okay, there's punish and then there's outright murder. Yeah. Like no, no, you should not.
[20:22.880 --> 20:33.880] Your idea of punishment is extreme, dude. Yeah. Like, I don't know. There's this thing called gentle parenting and I've been giving it a spin with the toddler that I babysit.
[20:33.880 --> 20:50.880] Highly recommend. Yeah. Because you get more positive results. Should I not avenge myself on such a nation as this? No, you childish fuck. Jesus Christ. You want to avenge yourself?
[20:50.880 --> 20:59.880] Because he's it's all about him. Yes. He doesn't give a fuck about anything else other than how people worship him and listen to him.
[21:00.880 --> 21:16.880] I just when I hear somebody talk about vengeance and revenge and I need to avenge like, no, those are the words of a small minded person who cannot stop tripping over his own dick.
[21:17.880 --> 21:45.880] A horrible and shocking thing has happened in the land. The prophets prophecy lies. The priests rule by their own authority and my people love it this way. But what will you do in the end? The end. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. What will you do in the end? That sounds very like that sounds like Jeremiah. Like this, this is because they had writer, right? Like this was that one guy that was Jeremiah and Baruch. Yeah.
[21:46.880 --> 22:14.880] Baruch was his guy. Okay. What? No, it was I thought there was like three names. It was like Ben out. Yes. His first name was Baruch. Okay. All right. Got it. Sorry. It just throws me off because I. Yeah. Okay. But anyway, so they they're obviously writing some spin here, right? Like this is they're trying to convince people real hard that God's doing this stuff on purpose and that you need to do these things. But it sounds like Fox News for the, you know,
[22:15.880 --> 22:32.480] for the for that time. Fox News for the desert. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So they're just it's spin. It's that you have to do these things or else blah, blah, blah. I particularly like the choose your own adventure. But what will you do? Right. Turn to page 38 to find out.
[22:36.280 --> 22:44.840] Yes. Perfect. All right. Well, that was Jeremiah chapter five. Sure as fuck was which means that tomorrow is Saturday. And we'll be back.
[22:44.880 --> 23:08.080] With Q and a Saturday. And then I don't know. Do we know what we're doing on Sunday? I think we're at a book club. We're at a book club. Okay. I think that sounds about right. Yeah. So we'll probably do a book club on Sunday. And then I'll get the weekly replay out. And then we'll be back on Monday with Jeremiah chapter six. All right. We'll see you guys then. Bye.
[23:14.880 --> 23:44.840] Hey, wife, I guess that's the end. But husband, that's just sad. It doesn't have to be. We are on lots of social media platforms like Twitter. Our handle there is sacrilegious underscore D for D's nuts. Oh my God. Stop doing that. Anyway, we're also on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. There's a link to all of our social media sites at our website. Oh, we have a website. Yeah, it's sacrilegious discourse.com where you can also find a link to our merch shop. We have a merch shop. Yep. We have podcast themed clothing, mugs, notebooks and more as
[23:44.880 --> 23:49.560] well as an atheist and science themed products. Wow. Our fans should really go check that out right now.
[23:49.640 --> 24:07.320] Definitely. They can get in touch with us by sending an email to sacrilegious discourse at gmail.com. But before they do that, we could really use some help. Oh, yeah, with what? Well, it's not free running the podcast and we need some financial support in order to get better equipment, which will free up time so we can concentrate on our podcast and our fans.
[24:07.480 --> 24:09.000] Okay. So what should they do?
[24:09.200 --> 24:14.760] Head over to patreon.com forward slash sacrilegious discourse and sign up as a contributor on our podcast.
[24:14.960 --> 24:20.880] Supporters that receive additional bi-weekly episodes that we record just for our Patreon numbers for as little as $2 a month.
[24:21.160 --> 24:26.200] Also, we'd really appreciate it if you would like and subscribe on whatever platform you're using.
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[24:29.200 --> 24:36.480] Like and subscribe. Leave an Apple review. Join us on Twitter. Support us on Patreon. That's a lot of instructions. Don't forget to say thanks.
[24:36.480 --> 24:37.560] Thanks. K bye.
[24:39.000 --> 24:41.000] You
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