Jeremiah Chapters 1 - 5 Q&A

[00:00:00] Hey everyone, Husband here. And I'm wife. If you've been listening to us, then you know we're all about reading the Bible and reacting to it on our first read-through. Cuss words, crying, laughing and more. We're passionate about creating a podcast that takes the sanctity out of the sacred text and simply stating it as we see it. But we can't do it without your help. We're asking for your support to help us keep this podcast going. There are two ways you can donate. Text Sactis. That's S-A-C-D-I-S.

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[00:01:06] Welcome to Sacrilegious Discourse. I'm husband. And I'm wife. Together we're reading the Bible for the

[00:01:21] very first time. We grew up without religion and wanted to know what all the fuss was about.

[00:01:26] Well, what have we learned so far? That God is a dick. And apparently some people believe in talking

[00:01:31] donkeys. We're not trying to pass ourselves off as experts. Nope, we're just reading the Bible for

[00:01:36] the first time and giving our first take reaction. If you'd like to join us in this venture,

[00:01:40] you might consider starting in episode one. Otherwise, jump in wherever you like.

[00:01:44] All right, let's go read the Bible. Yeah, let's get to it.

[00:01:50] Husband. Wife. Guess what today is? Well, we just finished our first week of Jeremiah,

[00:01:56] which would mean that since today's Saturday, we're getting into our Q&A, Saturday. That's

[00:02:03] right. And what are we queuing and ain today? We are covering Jeremiah chapters one through five.

[00:02:10] Right. And I thought we would talk about circumcision since my guy was born without foreskin.

[00:02:18] Oh, okay. Oh, you'd Jeremiah, your guy being Jeremiah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dude, you know.

[00:02:24] Yeah, that was crazy. Big J. Jeremiah. Yeah. All right. Let's go do this. Okie dokie.

[00:02:39] All right. So we are going to get into circumcision. Oh boy. But before I start talking about J.

[00:02:46] Dog's dick. Let me tell you a little bit about him. Okay. Yeah. You know, J. Dog being Jeremiah.

[00:02:56] Yes. Yeah. Yeah, Jeremiah and his profoundly foreskin lacking penis. Okay. Yeah. So I didn't

[00:03:06] know this, but according to the notes that I found, he is a descendant of Rahab by her marriage with

[00:03:14] Joshua. And he was born during the persecution of the prophets under Jezebel. Wait, I didn't

[00:03:21] really have wasn't Rahab the prostitute at the Jericho wall. I don't remember. Oh, but sure.

[00:03:27] No, I mean, I don't know. I don't. That's okay. So anyway, but he was the descendant of somebody

[00:03:32] that's important anyway. Yeah. Okay. Rahab married Joshua and then, yeah, yeah, that does make sense.

[00:03:40] Yeah. Well, but it doesn't. They never got married in the Bible that I'm aware of.

[00:03:44] Maybe they did and you just didn't know it because I was looking for or I was looking at a bunch of

[00:03:51] Like rabbinical and Jewish sure sure so according to those

[00:03:59] stories got it

[00:04:02] He he saved her, you know, okay, and I guess then they got married sure why not that's that that's like a whole other fucking story that I'm curious about now

[00:04:12] So, but I mean obviously we don't have the information on it. So right so

[00:04:15] Anyway, that's where Jeremiah's descended from okay

[00:04:19] Yeah, and he was born during the persecution of the prophets under Jezebel, okay?

[00:04:25] Remember all that only kind of right, and I know that was so far back

[00:04:30] But that's where we are today. Okay, we are so far back in time right okay

[00:04:35] His was a priestly family and it was probably the same family that cared for the ark of the covenant after the return from Egypt

[00:04:44] So the Levites mm-hmm, okay, so he was part of that crew sure his family owned property there

[00:04:52] So Jeremiah was able to devote himself entirely to his prophetic calling

[00:04:57] Nice to have a family that's rich and then it sure is then you can just you know go to your crazy

[00:05:04] Then you get to be famous for all time in the Bible for yeah, because your family was rich

[00:05:08] Exactly, and they don't think that when you when you're crazy and say crazy things

[00:05:13] They don't say you're crazy because you're rich right they just say you're eccentric or charismatic. Yeah, yeah

[00:05:19] Since he was devoted exclusively to this crazy vocation which involved the proclaiming of disaster impending right right?

[00:05:29] He never did marry or have children. He was like no. Can you imagine me and married to somebody that's just proclaiming disaster all the time?

[00:05:36] No, that would be terrible. Um aren't you married to somebody? That's proclaiming disaster all the time. Isn't that me?

[00:05:43] Well, I mean I'm like everything sucks. I hate everything. Yeah, but I don't let you get away with it

[00:05:49] No, you don't so I guess you can't imagine

[00:05:53] So the lofty mission for which Jeremiah was destined was evident even at his birth

[00:05:59] For he came not only into the world

[00:06:03] Circumcised but as soon as he beheld the light of day. He broke out into loud cries

[00:06:09] Exclaiming with the voice of a youth. Hmm my bowels my bowels. I am pained at the very heart

[00:06:17] My heart make of the noise in me

[00:06:20] Why would why would he be yelling about his bowels, right? It means he was sick to his stomach. Oh, there's newborn that just came out right?

[00:06:27] Yeah, he's like I'm sick to my stomach and also my heart make us a noise. I'm a hungry bitch

[00:06:35] It sounds to me this this sounds to me like his rich fucking family

[00:06:39] took the opportunity of their richness to

[00:06:44] embellish stories about this child so that they could make him into this wonderful great priestly thing

[00:06:49] Yeah, he's like pre-Jesus or what the fuck right? Yeah, like they're like we're just gonna make him a prophet

[00:06:55] We're gonna make him seem like he's really important. Exactly and we can do that because we got money. Uh-huh. Yeah. Ain't that nice?

[00:07:02] So this part came like we read this part in the Bible

[00:07:08] He continued by accusing his mother of unfaithfulness and as the latter was greatly astonished to hear this

[00:07:15] Uncomplementary speech from her newborn infant. Yeah, I'd be a little taken aback. I'd be like excuse you newborn, baby

[00:07:22] He goes I do not mean you my mother my prophecy does not refer to you

[00:07:29] - Oh, man, man, I am speaking of Zion and Jerusalem.

[00:07:33] They deck out their daughters and clothe them in purple

[00:07:36] and put golden crowns on their heads,

[00:07:38] but the robbers shall come and take these things away.

[00:07:40] Now change my diaper.

[00:07:42] - I don't think Jesus even came out of the womb talking.

[00:07:44] Did he? - No, he sure did not.

[00:07:45] - I mean, this guy's pretty special.

[00:07:47] I mean, like he almost sounds like Godly himself.

[00:07:49] - I know, right? - You know?

[00:07:51] - So here's the thing, I was like,

[00:07:53] but can boys actually be born already circumcised?

[00:07:56] Is that a thing? - No.

[00:07:57] - False. - Oh.

[00:07:59] Oh, damn, I'm always wrong.

[00:08:00] - You are horses, you are always wrong.

[00:08:03] There is this thing called apastia.

[00:08:07] - Okay.

[00:08:08] - Which is a rare congenital condition in humans

[00:08:11] in which the foreskin of a penis is missing.

[00:08:14] - Interesting. - Right?

[00:08:15] - Yeah.

[00:08:16] - The midrash claims that Moses was born apostic.

[00:08:21] - Moses? - Moses.

[00:08:22] - Okay. - And other sources claim

[00:08:24] that Jacob, his son, Gad, and King David

[00:08:27] were also born this way.

[00:08:29] - Oh, isn't that convenient?

[00:08:30] All the really godly people.

[00:08:32] - Yeah, yeah.

[00:08:33] - There's this book called "The Fathers,"

[00:08:36] according to Rabbi Nathan, which is in Hebrew.

[00:08:40] And it contains a list of persons

[00:08:43] from the Israelite scriptures that were quote unquote,

[00:08:46] born circumcised. - I see.

[00:08:48] - Adam, Seth, Noah, Shem, Jacob, Joseph, Moses,

[00:08:53] the wicked Balaam, Samuel, David, Jeremiah,

[00:08:57] Zerubbabel, and Job.

[00:08:59] - I see.

[00:09:00] - They all had the foreskin missing from their dicks.

[00:09:03] - That must mean that it's a godly thing

[00:09:05] because most of them were really, you know,

[00:09:06] important, you know, upright people in the Bible, so.

[00:09:11] - Well, okay, let's look at it the other way around.

[00:09:14] Maybe when these children were born that way,

[00:09:17] they were automatically from birth lifted up to B leaders

[00:09:22] by their trust. - That could be just,

[00:09:24] yeah. - You know what I mean?

[00:09:25] That's the way I tend to look at it.

[00:09:27] - I don't know why people spend as much time

[00:09:29] looking at other people's dicks, but, you know.

[00:09:31] - Still to this day, right?

[00:09:33] Some traditions in Islam say that Muhammad

[00:09:37] was born without a foreskin.

[00:09:39] So again, you know, which came first,

[00:09:41] the chicken or the dick.

[00:09:43] - Sure, yeah.

[00:09:44] - Jewish law requires males born without a foreskin

[00:09:48] or who lost their foreskin through means

[00:09:51] other than a formal circumcision ceremony

[00:09:54] to have a drop of blood let from the penis

[00:09:58] at the point where the foreskin would have been

[00:10:00] or was attached. - Oh my god.

[00:10:02] - Just like a pin prick.

[00:10:03] - Yeah, no, I know.

[00:10:05] - You don't want a pin prick on your dick?

[00:10:07] - No. - No?

[00:10:08] - You don't want to bleed from your dick?

[00:10:10] - No, I don't. - Okay.

[00:10:11] The Talmud records a discussion

[00:10:13] of whether the importance of this bloodletting

[00:10:16] of the penis supersedes Shabbat on which only,

[00:10:20] on which only a boy who was born the previous Shabbat

[00:10:24] can be circumcised.

[00:10:26] If regular circumcision is delayed,

[00:10:29] there is no disagreement

[00:10:30] that this may not be performed on Shabbat.

[00:10:33] However, in the case of a passea however you pronounce it,

[00:10:38] there are two schools of thought.

[00:10:40] Both agree that the blood of the covenant

[00:10:42] must be drawn from the glands of the penis.

[00:10:46] One school of thought, however,

[00:10:48] contends that this may be done on the Sabbath

[00:10:51] while the other holds that the Sabbath

[00:10:52] must not be desecrated on that account.

[00:10:55] - Which is it?

[00:10:56] - Depends on which school of thought you're with.

[00:10:58] - Well, that sucks.

[00:10:59] - And your rabbi will let you know.

[00:11:00] - I hope they're not wrong.

[00:11:02] - Well. - 'Cause, you know,

[00:11:03] then you're fucked.

[00:11:03] - I mean, at least you are gonna be circumcised

[00:11:08] regardless of the day. - I guess.

[00:11:09] But I mean, knowing God,

[00:11:10] he could kill you for getting circumcised

[00:11:11] on the wrong day if he felt like it.

[00:11:12] - True, it's better to-

[00:11:14] just be born without your foreskin. Right. But then you still got to get your, you know, dick

[00:11:18] pricked. Right. I know which day you're going to get your dick pricked. Prick a dick. Exactly.

[00:11:24] It's prick a dick day. Circumcision seemingly mames the body, right? Because you're cutting

[00:11:32] shit off of it. Yeah. Yet ancient Jewish and rabbinic interpretation presented as actually

[00:11:39] perfecting the body. So like you're born with this flaw, you're perfect, except for this one flaw.

[00:11:47] Yeah. And if we just get rid of it, that will make you more closely resemble the body of an

[00:11:53] angel or even of God himself. I see. Yeah. Again, the fascination with penises is just,

[00:12:00] it blows me away. It's mind boggling. It really is. Yeah. Yeah. So that is what I brought to the

[00:12:06] table this fine Prick a dick day. So we just, we just talked about dicks. That's it. We talked

[00:12:13] about dicks. That's it. Okay. All right. Pricking a dick and why we do it and if you can be born

[00:12:19] without your foreskin, what you can. Yeah. So you learned something. I learned something new today.

[00:12:24] Yeah, I did. Yeah. I did. Okay. Well, that was our Q&A for this Saturday. I thought it was

[00:12:29] interesting. It definitely was. Yeah. I mean, I made you squirm. Who doesn't like talking about dicks?

[00:12:34] Most people don't like talking about this. All right. Well, whatever.

[00:12:40] This podcast did not harm any dicks in the making of this episode. Yeah. Exactly. I mean,

[00:12:50] exactly. No dicks were harmed. No dicks were harmed. Yeah. All right. Well, that'll do our Q&A for today.

[00:12:56] Sure will. And we'll be back tomorrow with what is it called? What do we do with it? It's our book.

[00:13:03] Yeah. It's our sacrilegious book club. I was like, what is it called? What do we do? What's that song?

[00:13:10] Wife was not prepared for that one. No, I wasn't. I'm sorry. Sometimes I just forget things. Yeah.

[00:13:15] And then I will be getting our weekly replay out. And on Monday, we will be back with Jeremiah

[00:13:22] Chapter six. All right. We'll see you guys then. Bye. Hey wife, I guess that's the end.

[00:13:34] But husband, that's just sad. It doesn't have to be. We are on lots of social media platforms

[00:13:39] like Twitter. Our handle there is sacrilegious underscore D. Four D's nuts. Oh my god. Stop doing

[00:13:45] that. Anyway, we're also on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. There's a link to all of our social

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[00:14:54] K bye.