Jeremiah Chapter 52: Atheist Bible Study

[00:00:00] Hey everyone, husband here, and I'm Wife. If you've been listening to us then you know

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[00:01:16] Welcome to Sacrilegious Discourse. I'm husband and I'm wife. Together we're reading the Bible

[00:01:20] for the very first time. We grew up without religion and wanted to know what all the fuss was about.

[00:01:26] Well, what have we learned so far? That God is a dick and apparently some people believe in talking

[00:01:31] donkeys. We're not trying to pass ourselves off as experts. Nope! We're just reading the

[00:01:35] Bible for the first time and giving our first take reaction. If you'd like to join us in this

[00:01:40] venture you might consider starting that episode one. Otherwise jump in wherever you like. All

[00:01:44] right, let's go read the Bible. Yeah, let's get to it.

[00:01:50] Husband! Wife! Do you remember what happened yesterday and how the hell we got here today?

[00:01:57] Well, yesterday we read Jeremiah chapter 51. Sure as fuck did. And in that chapter we went on

[00:02:04] more about Babylon and how they're gonna die and destruct them and destroy them and kill

[00:02:10] them and mutilate them and drown them and dry them out. Whatever, yeah all the things. And then

[00:02:17] at the end Jeremiah gave Soraya, is it Soraya? I think so. A scroll with the words on it that he

[00:02:26] was to repeat. Yeah. And then he was like go read that shit over there. Tie it to a rock

[00:02:31] and throw it in the Euphrates River. And we're like that was a motherfucking spell.

[00:02:38] That was a goddamn curse. That was something crazy just happening just now in the Bible.

[00:02:44] I think it was a magic spell, a curse and I think they were trying to manifest

[00:02:52] what they wanted to happen to Babylon. Yeah. I think that they were begging for God to do this.

[00:02:57] I agree. Like it just it reads that way, it feels that way. But we found no information

[00:03:04] anywhere to back that up. Apparently nobody else has ever thought of that before. Yeah,

[00:03:09] no it's insane. So we're crazy I guess. Well I mean I don't think we're crazy.

[00:03:14] I don't think I'm crazy. I just I mean maybe this reading the Bible without anybody to tell us

[00:03:23] what to think is a good thing sometimes. Right. We could be completely wrong here

[00:03:27] you know but it sure read like it was a fucking spell. And it did not read like the previous

[00:03:35] normal quote unquote chapters did. Right. It read like a list of things that they really want God

[00:03:43] to accomplish. Right. In smiting Babylon. And not just things to accomplish but repeating them

[00:03:48] over and over and over and over again. Right almost like an incantation or chanting. Yeah.

[00:03:55] No it was very much like a spell. Yeah. It was anyway. I mean not that we practice magic or know

[00:04:02] what spells are. No, no, no but my impression of what a spell is that's how it is. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:08] No and I yes it was definitely something very let's just say different for the Bible.

[00:04:15] And I've seen Conan the Barbarian.

[00:04:17] I'm not sure what that has to do with with that but okay.

[00:04:25] They have some witches in there doing some shit. Oh okay. All right. Sorry.

[00:04:30] I need a little bit more clarification than I've seen Conan the Barbarian.

[00:04:33] But okay. Okay. So anyway we'll get off our high horse here about whatever happened in

[00:04:38] the last chapter. That was Jeremiah chapter 51. It definitely was. And that means that today

[00:04:45] we're getting into the final chapter of the book of Jeremiah chapter 52 mother fuckers. All right

[00:04:52] let's do this. Okey dokey.

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[00:06:37] All right so we are finishing up Jeremiah

[00:06:41] chuppin' into chapter 52. Hell yeah. I'm so excited. Yeah. Okay so we're gonna talk about

[00:06:47] old Zeddy K2 eyes. I'm sorry what the fuck did you just say? That's what I decided to call

[00:06:54] Zeddy Kaya. Oh my god. Zeddy K2 eyes. No no no no no no no. What? Like I can't I can't.

[00:07:04] What the fuck is that? Because he got his eyes squished out.

[00:07:10] So Zeddy K just is more fun than Zeddy Kaya. Oh okay. Zeddy K2 eyes. What? Let's just stick

[00:07:18] with Zeddy Kaya okay. Boring. You know that way we cannot get confused about who we're talking

[00:07:24] about. All right what about Zeddog? No. All right Zeddy Kaya was 21 years old when he became king

[00:07:34] and he reigned 11 years in Jerusalem. His mama's name was Hamutal the daughter of Jeremiah of

[00:07:41] Libna. He also did evil in the sight of the Lord according to all that Joachim had done for because

[00:07:49] of the anger of the Lord this happened in Jerusalem and Judah till he finally cast them out from his

[00:07:55] presence. Then Zeddy Kaya rebelled against the king of Babylon. Okay wait oh oh because okay yeah right

[00:08:03] yeah because he was he was bad boy yeah what you would think that God would maybe appreciate

[00:08:11] if he was standing up to the king of Babylon right? I don't know but no probably not. Sometimes

[00:08:15] we like Babylon and sometimes we don't even more than Egypt. I mean we were just casting a spell

[00:08:21] last episode to like destroy Babylon right now whatever yeah who could know it just depends on

[00:08:27] God's mood right okay so now it came to pass in the ninth year of his reign in the tenth month

[00:08:35] on the tenth day of that month that Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon and all his army came against

[00:08:42] Jerusalem and encamped against it like remember remember remember remember I do I do yes God and

[00:08:51] they built a siege wall against it all around so as we've already read a hundred times the city

[00:08:58] was besieged until the 11th year of Kings Zeddy Kaya okay by the fourth month on the ninth day of

[00:09:05] the month the famine had become so severe in the city that there was no food for the people of

[00:09:11] the land so it wasn't severe on the eighth day of that month no but by the ninth day yeah that's one

[00:09:16] that was very severe yeah and nor the sixth and the seventh was right yeah yeah then the city wall

[00:09:25] was broken through and all the men of war fled and went out of the city at night by way of the gate

[00:09:31] between the two walls which was by the king's garden even though the Chaldeans were near

[00:09:36] the city all around that's like word for word we've already read this and they went by way of the plane

[00:09:44] but the army of the Chaldeans pursued the king and they overtook Zeddy Kaya in the planes of Jericho

[00:09:50] because god damn eyes out and he was like one hour away from freedom the border of Egypt or

[00:09:56] what the fuck ever yeah and then yeah they killed his sons in front of them before they took

[00:10:01] his eyes out probably all that Egyptian border security you know they'd built the wall probably

[00:10:05] right all his army was scattered from him scattered some other covered so they took the king and brought

[00:10:12] him up to the king of Babylon at Riblah in the land of Hamath and he pronounced judgment on him

[00:10:19] then the king of Babylon killed the sons of Zeddy Kaya before his eyes and he killed all the

[00:10:25] princes of Judah and Riblah hmm he also put out the eyes of Zeddy Kaya and the king of Babylon

[00:10:31] bound him in bronze fetters took him to Babylon and put him in a prison until the day of his death

[00:10:36] okay okay yeah remember remember I do remember yeah yeah like this is a really like is this how

[00:10:42] it's gonna wrap up we're gonna just like recap everything it's what it feels like I'm not

[00:10:46] oh this is this is like I really like the spell last time I know can we go back to spells and

[00:10:51] magic this chapter is like oh we forgot to put an epilogue hang on now in the fifth month on the

[00:11:00] tenth day of the month these days are killing me they're very excited about these dates yeah yeah

[00:11:05] this is unlike anything else that has happened in this fucking book okay so now in the fifth

[00:11:12] month on the tenth day of the month parentheses voice which was the 19th year of king Nebuchadnezzar

[00:11:18] king of Babylon Nebuchadnezzar Dan the captain of the guard who served the king of Babylon came to

[00:11:26] Jerusalem yeah he burned the motherfucking house of the lord and the king's house all the houses of

[00:11:34] Jerusalem that is all the houses of the great he burned with fucking fire yeah okay and all

[00:11:41] the army of the Chaldeans who were with the captain of the guard broke down all the walls

[00:11:46] of Jerusalem all around okay I'm trying to spice this up because it's so boring yeah yeah then

[00:11:54] never could no nope nope nope Nebuchadnezzar Dan I got a little excited Nebuchadnezzar Dan the captain

[00:12:00] of the guard carried away captives some of the poor people the rest of the people who remained in

[00:12:05] the city the defectors who had deserted to the king of Babylon and the rest of the craftsmen

[00:12:10] you know just basically everybody else yeah the ones they didn't kill yeah yeah but Nebuchadnezzar

[00:12:16] Dan the captain of the guard I really appreciate that they always qualify him every single time

[00:12:22] they're like Nebuchadnezzar Dan the captain of the guard right I'm like thank you for that actually

[00:12:27] right could you do that with all of them henceforth make it so yeah but Nebuchadnezzar Dan the

[00:12:34] captain of the guard left some of the poor of the land as vine dressers and farmers yeah well they

[00:12:41] would talk about that before too they were gonna I want to talk about the word vine dresser I've

[00:12:46] never heard vine dressing before yeah I have not either I want to buy little dresses for teeny tiny

[00:12:54] grapes there's nothing to do with what that meaning I want to dress my vines I want to get

[00:13:03] little miniature gowns I want prom dresses I want cocktail gowns I want hoop skirts I want

[00:13:15] poodle skirts I want mini skirts I want um night today Barbie business suit dresses

[00:13:25] yeah I want all these dresses for my grapes okay right yeah I no longer want naked grapes

[00:13:32] they better be dressed okay okay yeah the bronze pillars that were in the house of the Lord

[00:13:38] and the carts and the bronze sea that were in the house of the Lord remember the sea I do

[00:13:43] that were in the house of the Lord the Chaldean's broken pieces and carried all their bronze to

[00:13:48] Babylon yeah I mean yeah that's what you do why wouldn't you take the metal like that precious

[00:13:53] shit you know yeah I mean shit somebody drops metal in our backyard we're gonna go recycle that

[00:13:58] shit and get the money for it yeah right why not we still do that to this day so to this day

[00:14:03] to this very day they also took away the pots the shovels the trimmers the bowls the spoons but

[00:14:11] not the forks and all the bronze utensils with which the priests ministered so not the spatula

[00:14:18] they took the fancy sets it did they did not the salad plates right not the butter knives well I mean

[00:14:25] if those are just made of ceramic those are you know boring but bronze bronze that's that's not

[00:14:31] boring that's bronze I wonder if they had cocktail forks I don't know I would be interested to

[00:14:38] learn if they had cocktail forks I'm betting not the basins the fire pans the bowls the pots the lamp

[00:14:46] stands it's all I need the spoons and the cups whatever was solid gold and whatever was solid

[00:14:55] silver the captain of the guard he took that shit away oh yeah the two pillars one sea the 12

[00:15:02] bronze bowls which were under it I forgot about the bulls and the carts which King Solomon had

[00:15:07] made for the house of the lord the bronze of all this shit all these articles was beyond measure

[00:15:14] now concerning the pillars colon yeah the height of one pillar was 18 cubits remember

[00:15:21] remember sure a measuring line of 12 cubits can measure its circumference and its thickness was

[00:15:28] four fingers it was hollow a captain of no a capital of bronze was on it and the height of one

[00:15:35] capital was five cubits are you taking fucking notes I mean no okay I'm not because you know why

[00:15:41] it's in the Bible I don't want to I also don't give a fuck enough right right with a network and

[00:15:47] pomegranates oh they forgot the pomegranates all right that makes me I don't know why that makes

[00:15:53] me so happy because it's a callback yeah because pomegranates they right they came back into

[00:15:58] fashion all of a sudden well not a back this was always there and that this decorations

[00:16:02] is just that we haven't talked about pomegranates we haven't it's been a while I'm like I missed you

[00:16:07] pomegranates right all around the capital all of bronze the second pillar with pomegranates was the

[00:16:14] same there were 96 pomegranates on the sides all the fucking pomegranates all around on the network

[00:16:21] somebody counted the pomegranates well yeah there's 100 okay how else are we gonna know what we're

[00:16:27] stealing if we don't count it first and then wrote it down I'm just okay they're really dull

[00:16:34] they brought receipts yeah okay all right this is the captain is like y'all write down you know that

[00:16:41] could be good to make sure that it all makes it back yeah you know yeah all right who took the

[00:16:45] fucking pomegranate okay I only have 99 gold fucking pomegranates I know that there were 100

[00:16:52] Steve give me the fucking pomegranate I know it was you right the captain of the guard took Saraya

[00:17:00] the chief priest you know the dude that did the magic spell last chapter yeah Zephaniah the second

[00:17:06] priest and the three doorkeepers you know the doorkeeper sure yeah he also took out of the

[00:17:13] city an officer who had charge of the men of war seven men of the kings close associates who

[00:17:20] were found in the city you know just walking around you you you you look cool no your piece of

[00:17:26] shit get out of here the principal scribe of the army who mustered the people of the land

[00:17:32] but not catch up right just mustered and 60 men of the people of the land who were found

[00:17:39] in the midst of the city so he's just walking around and like grabbing people yeah come come

[00:17:45] come on help me right help me I'm stealing your shit right yeah and Nebu Zeradan the captain of the

[00:17:52] guard took these and brought them to the king of Babylon at Ribluh so they were just like we here

[00:17:57] we go and they just skipped all that some good shit yeah okay then the king of Babylon struck them

[00:18:05] and put them to death at Ribluh in the land of Hamas what he made them carry the shit and

[00:18:12] then was like thanks for your help but they mentioned Saraya and Saraya still has to cast a spell

[00:18:18] in Babylon I have no idea so well it was just the other guys okay the other guys you know the ones

[00:18:24] that he was like and you and you and you got it like walking around saying you you're gonna carry

[00:18:29] shit you're gonna carry shit and they're like yay we survived and then as soon as they got there

[00:18:35] he is like bitch bye well I'm a little confused because my understanding prior to this and this

[00:18:41] was when Jeremiah was writing this stuff or whoever Baruch or whoever it was these people seemed a lot

[00:18:48] nicer yeah like they were letting people live in the other cities and was like live and let live

[00:18:54] right right right yeah no now they're being put to death so I feel like this is not written by

[00:19:00] Jeremiah or Baruch right because it's not got that that feeling of um everything's fine just let us

[00:19:08] plant our flag it'll be okay we're all friends here I just want to kill you a little bit I feel like

[00:19:13] the aftermath didn't go as well as they had promised it would go yeah that's what I feel and I feel like

[00:19:18] that um makes the previous chapter of the magic spell wishing for bad shit to happen to Babylon

[00:19:25] a little bit more relevant yeah well I mean it makes it like yeah I believe you but it also

[00:19:31] makes Jeremiah's prophecies quote unquote a lot less relevant yes so yeah I don't know I just the

[00:19:39] whole thing doesn't this this still doesn't sit well with the rest of what we've read no this is

[00:19:45] still I'm pretty sure not Jeremiah or Baruch right no I feel like most of this stuff that

[00:19:52] was written in these last few chapters was written post um everything yeah post all of it

[00:19:58] yeah or well at least during the exiler whatever sometime sometime post Jeremiah I can tell you that

[00:20:03] much Jeremiah yeah thus Judah was carried away captive from its own land these are the people

[00:20:11] whom Nebuchadnezzar Nebuchadnezzar carried away captive in the seventh year 3,023 Jews

[00:20:21] in the 18th year of Nebuchadnezzar he carried away captive from Jerusalem

[00:20:25] 832 persons which may or may not have been Jews we don't care anymore I guess in the 23rd year of

[00:20:33] Nebuchadnezzar Nebuchadnezzar down the captain of the guard carried away captive of the Jews

[00:20:39] 745 persons this definitely has to be written during the the the um exile yeah because

[00:20:48] they know these numbers right they're accounting for these numbers yeah right yeah so all the

[00:20:53] persons were 4600 so they did some math got it now that's not a lot of people really I mean

[00:21:01] it's really not not in the grand scheme of how many Israelites there were yeah so well I mean

[00:21:06] I think the majority of them ran away to Egypt Egypt and some of them probably um defected to

[00:21:14] Babylon sure so yeah Joaquin oh we're about to read about Joaquin now it came to pass in the 37th

[00:21:24] year of the captivity of Joaquin king of Judah in the 12th month on the 25th day of the month that

[00:21:32] evil merodoc okay evil evil evil evil evil yeah evil merodoc king of Babylon in the first year

[00:21:46] of his reign lifted up the head of Joaquin king of Judah and brought him out of prison and he

[00:21:54] spoke kindly to him and gave him a more prominent seat than those of the kings who were with him

[00:22:00] in Babylon I remember we read about this and and way back when in the way back like second kings

[00:22:06] or some shit yeah yeah yeah or chronicles right so Joaquin changed from his prison garments and he

[00:22:15] ate bread regularly before the king all the days of his life and as for his provisions there was a

[00:22:21] regular ration given him by the king of Babylon a portion for each day until the day of his

[00:22:28] death all the days of his life the end wow Jeremiah so they sucked and then they were nice to that one

[00:22:35] king guy and then that's the end of Jeremiah that's the end of Jeremiah like how lackluster

[00:22:42] an ending to Jeremiah right this is this is so just pathetic this book deserved better honestly

[00:22:50] did it though it did because there was some story happening in it which I appreciate even though

[00:22:56] it wasn't a great story I do appreciate that there was story sure and there was some interesting things

[00:23:04] happening yeah I mean I just it as we went on through the book it became more and more repetitive

[00:23:12] sure even with the Jeremiah and Baruch shed you know and then at the end it just kind of

[00:23:18] like went completely off the rails yeah that's what I'm saying this book deserved better than

[00:23:23] this ending no okay all right that's fair I guess but I'm way more excited still about the

[00:23:31] fucking spell that happened in the last chapter this was just like yeah that shit happened yeah

[00:23:36] remember when it's like two old dudes sitting around the bar going remember back in high

[00:23:41] school when I was the captain of the football team and the other guy sitting next to him was like

[00:23:46] I know right and I was the quarterback and they're like right yeah that happened

[00:23:55] all right well I don't think we have a lot to say about this chapter it's no kind of stands for

[00:24:00] what it is so but we will do some notes tomorrow yes and that'll probably be pretty extensive

[00:24:08] actually I mean I'm imagining yeah it'll just be over the final chapters that weird unit of

[00:24:15] addressing the nations right and the spell bullshit yeah whatever yeah yeah so anyway that was

[00:24:22] Jeremiah chapter 52 sure his book was the end of Jeremiah congratulations everywhere congratulations

[00:24:29] we finished yet another book of the Bible yes we are coming up this was the 24th book so that

[00:24:35] means we're going into the 25th book of the Bible next so a nice you know factor of five number

[00:24:42] that'll be lamentations which is also by Jeremiah supposedly fun we sorry to you know kill your joy

[00:24:51] but we will be back tomorrow with um it's not a Saturday but it is going to be a Q&A during the week

[00:25:02] and then uh we got the rest of our regular wrap up stuff coming up after that as well so

[00:25:09] we will see you guys tomorrow yep bye bye

[00:25:19] hey wife I guess that's the end but husband that's just sad it doesn't have to be we are on lots of

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